[jenny46]

Hello V

The boys ! not really sure where to start. It’s been hard – doesn’t do it justice. They watched their dad slowly kill himself for 13 years, finally watched him pass away after his liver failed and he bled from everywhere possible in an agonizing death.
I had taken him to the hospital as he’d become very unwell, vomiting blood etc. It was over and done with within 48 hours. He was telling the boys he would never drink again, I have no idea whether he meant it but remain doubtful, but my opinion is now irrelevant.

I watched them at his funeral, standing there doing their best not to cry, I was so proud of them but the pain was evident on their faces. The support from everyone was tremendous but it goes away. Youngest turned to drugs, middle flunked his second year at uni, now repeating it.

There is life after something like that , but its a tough up hill struggle and it’s a fight worth having or history can repeat and it does repeat and not necessarily with the same addiction.

The times that I thought I had ‘it so well ‘hidden’ or had got my children out of both the alcoholism and later the gambling addiction, have bitten me on the backside. These things can not be hidden and only serve to provide a distorted view to them. Do I regret letting things continue for as long as I did? absolutely, was I naive to think they wouldn’t be affected – absolutely ! But I’ve finished beating myself up and i’ve taken responsibility for my part

Things are thankfully moving forward, all be it slowly and in baby steps. Boys are now accepting that none of this was there responsibility and they did every thing they could for their dad, like all of us they probably did too much, but it carried them through – they were exceptionaly loyal and could not of done more for him.

Don’t think they will ever truly understand why alcohol or gambling becomes the priority in someones life or why someone would choose their own addiction over them – but as we know – sometimes there is just no logic to any of it.

We’re going forward now and things are getting easier but still hard if that makes sense ? accepting the illogical and often unexplainable is a difficult thing to do but not impossible.

Maybe I was also meant to have the gambling experience, maybe it prepared me for this – the toughest fight of my life. Sounds a bit dramatic I know but yes I was very well supported on this site and it taught me so much that I didn’t want to learn and maybe it was all for a reason.

The boys will be ok, they are getting there and we live to fight another day !

Jenny X

[jenny46]

Acho que é o mesmo para ambos, cada um tem que estar disposto a quebrar esse ciclo, e isso geralmente significa dar um grande passo para trás e ser capaz de ficar parado por tempo suficiente para reconhecer nosso próprio ciclo, bem como o ciclo daqueles que acho que estamos apoiando. A dificuldade para mim foi que levei anos para descobrir que eu fazia parte do ciclo dele e ele também fazia parte do meu. Jenny

[jenny46]

Acho que é o mesmo para ambos, cada um tem que estar disposto a quebrar esse ciclo, e isso geralmente significa dar um grande passo para trás e ser capaz de ficar parado por tempo suficiente para reconhecer nosso próprio ciclo, bem como o ciclo daqueles que acho que estamos apoiando. A dificuldade para mim foi que levei anos para descobrir que eu fazia parte do ciclo dele e ele também fazia parte do meu. Jenny

[jenny46]

Luulen, että se on sama molemmille, jokaisen on oltava halukas katkaisemaan tuon kierron, ja se tarkoittaa usein erittäin suuren askeleen ottamista taaksepäin ja kykyä pysyä paikallaan riittävän kauan tunnistaaksemme oman kiertomme ja niiden kierton luulemme tukevani. Minun vaikeuteni oli se, että kesti vuosia selvittääkseni, että olin osa hänen kiertoaan ja että hän oli myös minun. Jenny

[jenny46]

I guess it’s the same for both, each one has to be willing to break that cycle, and that often means taking a very big step back and being able to stand still long enough to recognise our own cycle as well as the cycle of those we think we’re supporting.

The difficulty for me was that it took me years to work out that I was a part of his cycle and he was also part of mine.

Jenny

[jenny46]

Manau, kad tas pats abiem, kiekvienas turi būti pasirengęs nutraukti tą ciklą, o tai dažnai reiškia labai didelį žingsnį atgal ir sugebėjimą stovėti pakankamai ilgai, kad atpažintume savo ciklą ir tų, kuriuos mes manau, kad palaikome. Man buvo sunku tai, kad prireikė metų, kad suprasčiau, jog esu jo ciklo dalis, o jis taip pat mano. Jenny

[jenny46]

Myślę, że jest tak samo dla obu, każdy z nich musi chcieć przerwać ten cykl, a to często oznacza zrobienie bardzo dużego kroku w tył i możliwość stania w miejscu wystarczająco długo, aby rozpoznać swój własny cykl, a także cykl tych, których myślimy, że wspieramy. Trudność polegała na tym, że lata zajęło mi zrozumienie, że jestem częścią jego cyklu, a on także częścią mojego. Przędzarka

[jenny46]

Jeg tror, det er det samme for begge, hver enkelt skal være villig til at bryde den cyklus, og det betyder ofte at tage et meget stort skridt tilbage og være i stand til at stå stille længe nok til at genkende vores egen cyklus såvel som cyklussen for dem, vi tror vi støtter. Vanskeligheden for mig var, at det tog mig år at regne ud, at jeg var en del af hans cyklus, og han var også en del af min. Jenny

[jenny46]

Je suppose que c'est la même chose pour les deux, chacun doit être prêt à briser ce cycle, et cela signifie souvent prendre un très grand pas en arrière et être capable de rester immobile assez longtemps pour reconnaître notre propre cycle ainsi que le cycle de ceux que nous pense que nous soutenons. La difficulté pour moi était qu'il m'a fallu des années pour comprendre que je faisais partie de son cycle et qu'il faisait aussi partie du mien. Jenny

[jenny46]

제 생각에는 둘 다 마찬가지인 것 같습니다. 각자는 기꺼이 그 주기를 깨야 하며, 그것은 종종 매우 큰 걸음을 내딛고 우리 자신의 주기와 우리 자신의 주기를 인식할 수 있을 만큼 충분히 오랫동안 가만히 있을 수 있다는 것을 의미합니다. 우리가 지원한다고 생각합니다. 나에게 어려운 점은 내가 그의 주기의 일부이고 그도 나의 일부라는 사실을 깨닫는 데 몇 년이 걸렸다는 것입니다. 제니

[jenny46]

Es domāju, ka tas ir vienādi abiem, katram ir jābūt gatavam pārtraukt šo ciklu, un tas bieži nozīmē spert ļoti lielu soli atpakaļ un spēt stāvēt uz vietas pietiekami ilgi, lai atpazītu mūsu pašu ciklu. domāju, ka mēs atbalstām. Man grūtības radīja tas, ka man vajadzēja gadus, lai saprastu, ka esmu viņa cikla sastāvdaļa un viņš arī ir mans. Dženija

[jenny46]

どちらも同じだと思います。それぞれが進んでそのサイクルを断ち切る必要があります。それは多くの場合、非常に大きな一歩を踏み出し、自分自身のサイクルと私たちのサイクルを認識するのに十分な時間静止できることを意味します。私たちがサポートしていると思います。私にとっての難しさは、私が彼のサイクルの一部であり、彼も私の一部であるということを理解するのに何年もかかったことでした。ジェニー

[jenny46]

Supongo que es lo mismo para ambos, cada uno tiene que estar dispuesto a romper ese ciclo, y eso a menudo significa dar un paso atrás muy grande y ser capaz de permanecer quieto el tiempo suficiente para reconocer nuestro propio ciclo, así como el ciclo de aquellos que estamos. creo que estamos apoyando. La dificultad para mí fue que me tomó años darme cuenta de que yo era parte de su ciclo y él también del mío. Jenny

[jenny46]

Υποθέτω ότι είναι το ίδιο και για τους δύο, ο καθένας πρέπει να είναι πρόθυμος να σπάσει αυτόν τον κύκλο και αυτό συχνά σημαίνει ότι κάνουμε ένα πολύ μεγάλο βήμα πίσω και μπορούμε να σταθούμε αρκετά για να αναγνωρίσουμε τον δικό μας κύκλο καθώς και τον κύκλο αυτών που κάνουμε νομίζουμε ότι υποστηρίζουμε. Η δυσκολία για μένα ήταν ότι μου πήρε χρόνια για να καταλάβω ότι ήμουν μέρος του κύκλου του και ήταν επίσης μέρος του δικού μου. Κλωστική μηχανή

[jenny46]

Ik denk dat het voor beide hetzelfde is, iedereen moet bereid zijn die cyclus te doorbreken, en dat betekent vaak een heel grote stap terug doen en lang genoeg stil kunnen staan om onze eigen cyclus te herkennen, evenals de cyclus van degenen die we denk dat we steunen. De moeilijkheid voor mij was dat het me jaren kostte om erachter te komen dat ik deel uitmaakte van zijn cyclus en hij ook van de mijne. Jenny

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