[jenny46]

Hello V

The boys ! not really sure where to start. It’s been hard – doesn’t do it justice. They watched their dad slowly kill himself for 13 years, finally watched him pass away after his liver failed and he bled from everywhere possible in an agonizing death.
I had taken him to the hospital as he’d become very unwell, vomiting blood etc. It was over and done with within 48 hours. He was telling the boys he would never drink again, I have no idea whether he meant it but remain doubtful, but my opinion is now irrelevant.

I watched them at his funeral, standing there doing their best not to cry, I was so proud of them but the pain was evident on their faces. The support from everyone was tremendous but it goes away. Youngest turned to drugs, middle flunked his second year at uni, now repeating it.

There is life after something like that , but its a tough up hill struggle and it’s a fight worth having or history can repeat and it does repeat and not necessarily with the same addiction.

The times that I thought I had ‘it so well ‘hidden’ or had got my children out of both the alcoholism and later the gambling addiction, have bitten me on the backside. These things can not be hidden and only serve to provide a distorted view to them. Do I regret letting things continue for as long as I did? absolutely, was I naive to think they wouldn’t be affected – absolutely ! But I’ve finished beating myself up and i’ve taken responsibility for my part

Things are thankfully moving forward, all be it slowly and in baby steps. Boys are now accepting that none of this was there responsibility and they did every thing they could for their dad, like all of us they probably did too much, but it carried them through – they were exceptionaly loyal and could not of done more for him.

Don’t think they will ever truly understand why alcohol or gambling becomes the priority in someones life or why someone would choose their own addiction over them – but as we know – sometimes there is just no logic to any of it.

We’re going forward now and things are getting easier but still hard if that makes sense ? accepting the illogical and often unexplainable is a difficult thing to do but not impossible.

Maybe I was also meant to have the gambling experience, maybe it prepared me for this – the toughest fight of my life. Sounds a bit dramatic I know but yes I was very well supported on this site and it taught me so much that I didn’t want to learn and maybe it was all for a reason.

The boys will be ok, they are getting there and we live to fight another day !

Jenny X

[jenny46]

どちらも同じだと思います。それぞれが進んでそのサイクルを断ち切る必要があります。それは多くの場合、非常に大きな一歩を踏み出し、自分自身のサイクルと私たちのサイクルを認識するのに十分な時間静止できることを意味します。私たちがサポートしていると思います。私にとっての難しさは、私が彼のサイクルの一部であり、彼も私の一部であるということを理解するのに何年もかかったことでした。ジェニー

[jenny46]

Supongo que es lo mismo para ambos, cada uno tiene que estar dispuesto a romper ese ciclo, y eso a menudo significa dar un paso atrás muy grande y ser capaz de permanecer quieto el tiempo suficiente para reconocer nuestro propio ciclo, así como el ciclo de aquellos que estamos. creo que estamos apoyando. La dificultad para mí fue que me tomó años darme cuenta de que yo era parte de su ciclo y él también del mío. Jenny

[jenny46]

Υποθέτω ότι είναι το ίδιο και για τους δύο, ο καθένας πρέπει να είναι πρόθυμος να σπάσει αυτόν τον κύκλο και αυτό συχνά σημαίνει ότι κάνουμε ένα πολύ μεγάλο βήμα πίσω και μπορούμε να σταθούμε αρκετά για να αναγνωρίσουμε τον δικό μας κύκλο καθώς και τον κύκλο αυτών που κάνουμε νομίζουμε ότι υποστηρίζουμε. Η δυσκολία για μένα ήταν ότι μου πήρε χρόνια για να καταλάβω ότι ήμουν μέρος του κύκλου του και ήταν επίσης μέρος του δικού μου. Κλωστική μηχανή

[jenny46]

Ik denk dat het voor beide hetzelfde is, iedereen moet bereid zijn die cyclus te doorbreken, en dat betekent vaak een heel grote stap terug doen en lang genoeg stil kunnen staan om onze eigen cyclus te herkennen, evenals de cyclus van degenen die we denk dat we steunen. De moeilijkheid voor mij was dat het me jaren kostte om erachter te komen dat ik deel uitmaakte van zijn cyclus en hij ook van de mijne. Jenny

[jenny46]

मुझे लगता है कि यह दोनों के लिए समान है, प्रत्येक को उस चक्र को तोड़ने के लिए तैयार रहना होगा, और इसका अर्थ अक्सर एक बहुत बड़ा कदम पीछे हटना और अपने स्वयं के चक्र के साथ-साथ उन लोगों के चक्र को पहचानने के लिए पर्याप्त समय तक खड़े रहने में सक्षम होना है। लगता है हम समर्थन कर रहे हैं। मेरे लिए मुश्किल यह थी कि मुझे यह पता लगाने में सालों लग गए कि मैं उनकी साइकिल का हिस्सा हूं और वह भी मेरी। जेनी

[jenny46]

Jag antar att det är samma sak för båda, var och en måste vara villig att bryta den cykeln, och det innebär ofta att ta ett mycket stort steg tillbaka och kunna stå still tillräckligt länge för att känna igen vår egen cykel såväl som cykeln för dem vi tror att vi stöder. Svårigheten för mig var att det tog mig år att träna att jag var en del av hans cykel och han var också en del av min. Jenny

[jenny46]

Naħseb li l-istess għat-tnejn, kull wieħed irid ikun lest li jkisser dak iċ-ċiklu, u dan spiss ifisser li tieħu pass kbir ħafna lura u li nkunu nistgħu nibqgħu wieqfa biżżejjed biex nagħrfu ċ-ċiklu tagħna stess kif ukoll iċ-ċiklu ta 'dawk li aħna naħseb li qed nappoġġjaw. Id-diffikultà għalija kienet li ħadtni s-snin biex insemmu li jien kont parti miċ-ċiklu tiegħu u hu kien ukoll parti tiegħi. Jenny

[jenny46]

Jeg antar at det er det samme for begge, hver og en må være villig til å bryte den syklusen, og det betyr ofte å ta et veldig stort skritt tilbake og kunne stå stille lenge nok til å gjenkjenne vår egen syklus så vel som syklusen til dem vi tror vi støtter. Vanskeligheten for meg var at det tok meg år å regne ut at jeg var en del av syklusen hans, og han var også en del av min. Jenny

[jenny46]

Cred că este la fel pentru ambele, fiecare trebuie să fie dispus să rupă ciclul respectiv, iar asta înseamnă adesea să faci un pas foarte mare înapoi și să poți rămâne nemișcat suficient pentru a ne recunoaște propriul ciclu, precum și ciclul celor pe care noi cred că susținem. Dificultatea pentru mine a fost că mi-au trebuit ani de zile să aflu că fac parte din ciclul său și el face parte și din al meu. Jenny

[jenny46]

Предполагам, че е еднакво и за двамата, всеки трябва да е готов да прекъсне този цикъл, а това често означава да се направи много голяма крачка назад и да може да стои достатъчно дълго, за да разпознаем собствения си цикъл, както и цикъла на тези, които мисля, че подкрепяме. Трудността за мен беше, че ми отнеха години, за да разбера, че аз съм част от неговия цикъл, а той също беше част от моя. Джени

[jenny46]

Acho que é o mesmo para ambos, cada um tem que estar disposto a quebrar esse ciclo, e isso geralmente significa dar um grande passo para trás e ser capaz de ficar parado por tempo suficiente para reconhecer nosso próprio ciclo, bem como o ciclo daqueles que acho que estamos apoiando. A dificuldade para mim foi que levei anos para descobrir que eu fazia parte do ciclo dele e ele também fazia parte do meu. Jenny

[jenny46]

Acho que é o mesmo para ambos, cada um tem que estar disposto a quebrar esse ciclo, e isso geralmente significa dar um grande passo para trás e ser capaz de ficar parado por tempo suficiente para reconhecer nosso próprio ciclo, bem como o ciclo daqueles que acho que estamos apoiando. A dificuldade para mim foi que levei anos para descobrir que eu fazia parte do ciclo dele e ele também fazia parte do meu. Jenny

[jenny46]

Luulen, että se on sama molemmille, jokaisen on oltava halukas katkaisemaan tuon kierron, ja se tarkoittaa usein erittäin suuren askeleen ottamista taaksepäin ja kykyä pysyä paikallaan riittävän kauan tunnistaaksemme oman kiertomme ja niiden kierton luulemme tukevani. Minun vaikeuteni oli se, että kesti vuosia selvittääkseni, että olin osa hänen kiertoaan ja että hän oli myös minun. Jenny

[jenny46]

I guess it’s the same for both, each one has to be willing to break that cycle, and that often means taking a very big step back and being able to stand still long enough to recognise our own cycle as well as the cycle of those we think we’re supporting.

The difficulty for me was that it took me years to work out that I was a part of his cycle and he was also part of mine.

Jenny

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