[jen3]

Way to go Kin!! Keep surrending your will to God! A day at a time.

[jen3]

Hi Abacus! The good news is you are young and time to turn your life around. I remember when I was your age and now I and thought I was inviencible. I won a lot. Worst thing that could ever happen. Now I am 47 and I can tell you it will never get better just worse and worse. I hope you get the help you need. Do they have celebrate recovery meetings where you live?? Maybe try that, a Counslor, giving up control of money?? Do what ever you have to do so you can have a better life. You have time to make this a distant memory. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

[jen3]

Day 7. I m up super early today. It’s so scary how the mind of an addict thinks. A week ago I wanted to die! I told myself I will never put myself through this crap again. Here it is a week later and I think “I will just get back my last loss and than I will quit, I will just get back half than I will stop,” blah blah blah! Seriously??? That is how I got in the mess in the first place. Chasing 700.00 cost me another 4000.00 and left me with shame,quilt, stress, racing thoughts, unhappiness etc,etc. I just can’t let the addicts brain take control anymore. I refuse to take the bait!! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Gobble till you wobble!

[jen3]

Hi I did it! I can never seem to get on chat and or into meetings.  I am from the states so not sure if that has something to do with it….   I will keep trying. Hope I run into you on chat.  

[jen3]

It’s crazy how we put ourselves in “tight money positions” yet once we clean up our mess and or more money comes in we think “we can do this” and before you know it right back where we started or worse. I know I will pay all my bills with my check a week from tomorrow. It’s the check after that worry’s me. I am so tired of digging out only to dig a bigger hole everytime.

[jen3]

Remembering why I have been an intravert on this site for so long.

[jen3]

Day 6. Been up since 3am. I was thinking yesterday ….. there really is a simple solution.. “drink the poison and slowly die” “don’t drink the poison and live”. Choose Satan’s will for my life or choose Gods will for my life” it all comes down to a simple choice….. Why have I made the wrong one for so many years?? Why am I so afraid of making the wrong choice again? Why can’t I live for today vs worry about next month, 3 months 6 months etc. I overwhelm myself with being afraid that history will someday repeat itself. I pray the ending will be different this time. “I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me”

[jen3]

Weather we are lucky or unlucky it does not matter a compulsive gambler will never ever win in the long run. If you dont’t win You will want to keep trying till you do. If you do win you will want to win again and by trying to do so you will loose. The only way to really win is to surrender.

[jen3]

How ya doing Vera?? I hope well. Thank you for writing on my thread. I did respond. After all these years I am Still trying to figure this site out. Does anyone talk to Sad or Maverick anymore?? I have stoped in from time to time but noticed Sad dropped off a long long time ago and I have not seen anything from Mav in a long time. I pray they are ok.

[jen3]

I am sorry you had a slip. The slip does not take away from your 5 years of freedom! That is so great!! You did it before you can do it again. I wish you the best!

[jen3]

Remembering the agony is always the hardest for me. Every time I start to feel better my mind plays tricks on me. I convince myself “it will be different this time” it never is. Choosing to gamble Its like “standing in front of a firing squad” as Vera once told me. One more screw up will most likely do me in. I refuse to be taken down by this addiction. In any case as Vera said , powerful post!

[jen3]

Remembering the agony is always the hardest for me. Every time I start to feel better my mind plays tricks on me. I convince myself “it will be different this time” it never is. Choosing to gamble Its like “standing in front of a firing squad” as Vera once told me. One more screw up will most likely do me in. I refuse to be taken down by this addiction. In any case as Vera said , powerful post!

[jen3]

Remembering the agony is always the hardest for me. Every time I start to feel better my mind plays tricks on me. I convince myself “it will be different this time” it never is. Choosing to gamble Its like “standing in front of a firing squad” as Vera once told me. One more screw up will most likely do me in. I refuse to be taken down by this addiction. In any case as Vera said , powerful post!

[jen3]

Thanks Marke. I will be following and routing for you as well. I am scared because I have known for many many years that I have a problem.  Crazy how after each relapse time goes by and things get better and I jump right into the quick sand or  “stand in front of the firing squad“ as Vera would say. It’s aalmost as If there are two of me.   I have to stay active in my recovery. Meaning after 30,60 90 days is when I have to be the strongest. I have said it too many times “complacency will kick our a…..”.  On to my day 5. Going to try to live in the day and not worry about tomorrow. 

[jen3]

Thanks Charles! You are so right. I believe when things are better. ( I pray and have faith that they will be) That is the most important time to keep posting etc) 

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