[izzi25]

GREAT POEM! love the use of metaphors.

Why do we go swimming!

[izzi25]

GREAT POEM! love the use of metaphors.

Why do we go swimming!

[izzi25]

Wow, almost 365 days way to go mate that is freaking incredible. I am totally envious of you at this point, longest I have been clean for was almost 8 months and that was last year in May (some time close to that). And how I have lived in regret every since accumulating over 22,000 in debt in the space of a month. You may feel like you are weak and far from where you want to be financially but that is far from the truth. Think about it you haven’t gambled in the past 351 days! That is almost a whole year, that totally blows my mind. You may be financially and emotionally struggling it could be worse, you could be gambling and feeding the one thing that in the past has destroyed you.
I am so proud of you and so encouraged by this thread.

I am 10 weeks clean and every time I get paid, I think “Izzi, you stupid girl, your pay has to go towards that stupid loan!” Hopefully that is going to deter me for the rest of my life, as it is literally draining everything I have. It could be much worse, I could be gambling and be waking up each day stressed, frustrated, depressed, worried and thinking of ways to manipulate situations so I can get money to cg just so I can live with myself.

Don’t sell yourself short and enjoy the new phone you have worked hard for it.

[izzi25]

Finding it hard to believe that I only posted over two weeks ago, maybe because so much has happened since.
As you all know I moved interstate and starting a new job working in my brothers business. And it has been fairly good, working with your brother defiantely has it challenges. I am enjoying what I am doing as I am finding it very challenging. Honestly I have no idea what I am doing or even how to learn the simple skill sets to do my job well. Really out of my own comfort and yet in retrospect I can handle it. What has been proven to be extremely difficult is living with my brother and his family. His wife is a lovely person but of late (something I always suspected) is that she isn’t as “nice” or as “trusting” as she seems. So I have had to take a step back and play my cards really close to my chest. Since moving here I have felt like nothing but a nanny, cooking nearly all the time and looking after the kids while they go out on a daily basis. And they aren’t the cleanest people, wake up literally every day to a mess in the kitchen and it is mainly the adults making a mess and not cleaning it up.

I have been thinking about moving out of home but living in this city is expensive and I can’t afford it at this stage. My only option would be to go back home and live with parents and that is not an option for me. I need to talk to them and hopefully that goes well. It definitely has made me think about cg and how much some extra cash would help to get me out of this situation. But cg was what got me here and I am never going back. I am over 2 months clean and I am proud of myself, no one is going to drive me back there.

I really needed to vent, thanks all.

[izzi25]

Hey mate,

This is so true just felt good to get it off my chest and write about it.

Yes babe Happy Australia Day – another day cg free

[izzi25]

keep posting don’t stop, you can also follow my thread 🙂

[izzi25]

Today I attended a birthday party of a relative someone I am close with. And I saw their “trashy and raunchy” side come out, sure it may have been some of the alcohol but I have seen it here and there without alcohol. They don’t act that way around me when it’s just us, or even speak in the manner she was today because she knows I am not like that. There have been many times where I wondered which side of her, really is her because it’s always such a contrast, almost scary. And as I watched her enjoy herself and be silly with her friends I realised that deception is in everybody. That it isn’t just a tool for a cg person to hide the truth, but everyone hides a little bit of themselves even without an addiction. They play the part they need to and I use to be hard on myself for being so deceptive. But now I realise I see it in a lot of people I know, there are also genuine real people in my life which I am thankful for. Now I am beginning to not be so hard on what I use to do, because people I am supposed to trust do it to. I hope that makes sense in some way I know that I am just ranting.

Another day clean, today might even be my 8th week mark,

[izzi25]

Good, clean for about 6 weeks now and I started a new job before Christmas, all going good so far. Not a day goes by where I kick myself for all my stupid debt.

[izzi25]

That is so good to hear, good on you, taking the right steps. Changing jobs and being more lenient on putting debt off faster is going to save you from a world of hell. You are brave! 🙂

[izzi25]

Hi, how are you doing buddy? make sure you keep posting on a regular basis.

[izzi25]

Hi and welcome to this forum you are very courageous for admitting you are a gambler and for coming on here to find support.

My heart goes out to you, I have been in your shoes so many times, feeling empty and caring only about gambling.
No one is a lost cause, no matter what your family thinks. My family also shunned me, told me how much of a loser I am and how weak I am. How I chose to allow this to cripple me and I was not to be trusted. It is funny how people forget who we are the moment we do something they disapprove of. And I don’t blame them I hated myself too but it isn’t easy for people to think you can just snap your fingers and you will suddenly JUST STOP!

The VERY first step is to want to stop or at least want to want to stop. At the moment I moved interstate and I don’t live close to the casino or any other places that gives me easy access to gamble. Of course I still need to be safe but it is easier to beat this thing when it is out of sight and out of mind. What I am saying to you is that you probably need to remove yourself from working in the casino. You are literally facing temptation everyday and not allowing yourself much grace to even have a shot at this.

You should reach out and check if their are is a local community group that helps gamblers. And make it harder for yourself to access money keep your bankcard at home and only take the cash you need for the day to work. That way if you are tempted you have the whole car ride to remind yourself that you can beat this. Every time you walk back in that place you are allowing yourself to die a little bit more inside.

God can give you the strength and help you but you need to want the help. It is time to rise, you are a powerful woman, who is capable of making amazing choices. You are only 42 so young and SO MUCH for to live for and do.

I believe in you, I stand with you and I will support you.

[izzi25]

The year is flying past it really is crazy, before I know it I will be 80 years old and hopefully cg a distant memory. Sometimes I think it is all a dream, like did I really lose lots of sleep, steal, be dishonest, lose thousands upon thousands and go into thousands dollars of debt for the hope/need to be rich, to be fulfilled? SAY WHAT?

I have too much to look forward to. Imagine I meet a really nice guy in three months I want to confidentially say look him in the eyes and say my life is on track and that cg is so 2015! (obviously I will wait a bit of time before telling him) LOL.

We ain’t got nothing but our dreams but our dreams is all we need.

[izzi25]

New Year clean slate and counting 🙂 thinking less and less about cg, still being careful and undertaking counselling.

Just wanted to check in and let you all know that I am doing ok. Very excited about this new year 🙂

[izzi25]

Heeeeeeelllllllllllooooooooooooo!!!!!

So glad you are back! love your positivity, nothing is going to keep us down.

[izzi25]

Hi P, Happy New Year hun! it is great to hear from you, how are you going? Wow that is early, not a morning person but I might try to jump on just to check it out. Today is another day clean and even though I am spending my saturday watching netflix, it is way better then cg! I go back to work next week and looking forward to the potential doors and opportunity that can bring me. My addiction does not define me, nor the debt that comes with it, keep reminding myself of that. Stay strong my precious friend.

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