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Hi JacquesPaul,
I’m thankful that Monica has been here to give you such good support and advice. She’s right about the bills etc. As long as your basic needs are being taken care of the rest is not important right now. I imagine you must almost be in shock from it all. I think it’s like we were in a trance and only when we can’t keep going do we wake up to the harm of it all. And shock at what we have done. I don’t want to say it’s just money, as we do need a certain amount to survive and live, but right now, it’s your health and state of mind that needs help. Frustrates me to no end the shortage of mental health support in a lot of modern countries. Lean on your family. Also, in my experience, squeaky wheel gets the grease! Ask your family to keep pushing as you are in no shape to push for yourself.
take care,
LauraGood morning Tina,
We can surely make a mess out of our finances and life when gambling! Find comfort in the small things like the sunshine, your cat, and the knowledge that you can turn things around.I see on Monica’s thread that you downloaded the book that was being advertised on a link I shared with Monica. I hope you read my disclaimer! lol I have no knowledge of that author, or her book, but I connected with what she said about grief in the intro. And how we do other things to avoid feeling grief – like drink, do drugs, and here I would insert and gamble! Let me know if the book turned out to be any good or is just a money grab!
Morning here for me in North America. Have yourself a good night!
Laura
Good morning Monica. Just waking with my first coffee. I enjoyed chat last night as well. It lets us get to know each other a little better without having every written word saved.
I hope today is filled with light. Thinking of you.
LauraWell done Mark on over 60 days of change!
That is a very positive message yourself 🙂 If you like music concerts or other types of entertainment is there a venue in town that doesn’t have onsite gambling? Maybe you take some of your hard earnings and reward yourself with an evening out. We would think nothing of spending it on gambling, and many times more what it costs. It would feel better and be cheaper paying the actual price on the ticket. Dollars only, no soul sucking included! It’s good to see your updates.
take care,
LauraGood to hear from you P! You made it through the latest rough patch. The picture is no worse as you didn’t give in to the urges. I’ll be at the next group that starts in 45 minutes. I’m usually a few minutes late because it’s supper time for me! Maybe I’ll catch you then if you are still around. Stay strong!
I’ve lived close to that line in the past and was grateful family stepped up without me having to ask. My cousin stopped by a couple of times with a big grocery order. But what of those who don’t have family or friends with the ability to help out. Or the unwillingness. There are so many who don’t realize what it is like to not know where your next meal is coming from, even when working! I donate to food banks and social service charity groups and to the UN refugee food program. Little things. But my something.
Glad to know you have a few staples for the next couple days. No miracle maybe but as long as today is taken care of maybe that is all we need. I could only think so far ahead in the earlier days or things would get overwhelming. Life on hold while busy cleaning up messes. Speaking of life, hubby is starting supper an I should help out.
hope your evening in is comforting.
Lauraso frustrating Monica! The things that would help you rise above more quickly are denied by our governments these days. But I will save you the rant. You know it well.
The dance between the light and and the dark, the emotional ups and downs can just be gut wrenching. So thankful there are points of light, kindnesses there for you. Your doctor, your son, your son’s new gf, your daughter, the bank, your mates here.
I can remember a good GA buddy of mine talking about layers of an onion. So queen of the google search I came to this. And I think this would describe what we went through when we suffered a loss due to our medical health and relationship situations. And gambling was our way of sidestepping our grief at what we lost. And i think one of the things I lost was the belief that my partner would step up and care for me just like I would and had in the past for him. I also lost many things physically and socially, impacts of my medical situation. My heart and soul and spirit was totally crushed. Gambling made me forget and it numbed the pain. And almost as soon as physically possible it became a way for me to say ” do you think I’m going to sit home and cry over you?”
Sorry to go on about me. Don’t want to make assumptions at where you are coming from. I think right now you are grieving the loss of your job, your lifestyle and your current health.Disclaimer: By the way, I’ve never come across this author before, I don’t know her work, her personal situation is different but I can empathize and a lot of what she said in the article rang true for me. I can not endorse her or her site. i just don’t want someone reading this to think somehow they can pay for this book to get all the answers about gambling.
http://janellebb.com/the-onion-effect-understanding-the-tears-and-layers-of-loss/
(((( Monica ))))
LauraGood morning ladies, my sluggish brain is trying to get going as I sip on coffee #2.
I have started this post many times! I don’t think there is anyone at home upstairs in my head at the moment to sort out the swirling ideas and thoughts. Glad I have you two on the job! In addition to things mentioned like hormones, Maybe it’s just a point in a woman’s life where we want to have some fun if we’ve been burdened with responsibility and caregiving. And gambling is an EASY way to have fun. In the beginning. But what we don’t realize is we are dealing with something that is addictive. And all those things we are getting away from add up to a reason for continuing to have “fun”.
They mention a drug in this article but it doesn’t relate to trauma, it is used for other addictions.
I’m sure trauma can change the brain. Just look at returning soldiers.
I’m glad you are working through things with your son Monica. It can bring closure and a sense of peace. I did the same things with my mother re my drinking dad. It helped a great deal after I worked through it. I used a 12 step program ACOA – Adult Children of Alcoholics, in my 20’s, as i processed my feelings. My dad and I also had good relationship in his older years, and he apologized for not doing better. But that didn’t come until many many years later. I will forever hold Maya Angelou’s expression in my heart. “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
And that’s all any of us can do. Have a great day Monica and IDI!
Laura
Hey P,
sorry we haven’t connected in a while. Opposite sides of the world sometimes makes it harder.You were always one of the toughest people that I have met here. No one truly knows what you are going through as it is your own unique experience. Doesn’t seem fair that feeling better makes it harder for you to keep going. I hope you are able to get more support through this phase. Thinking of you. (((( P ))))
LauraAbsolutely wonderful to catch up on your posts and see how you are doing 🙂
Finding a counselor who was a good match was also life changing for me. Because it was honestly and truly about me.
Time off is essential! We have to be careful we aren’t working so much that it’s like a punishment for the losses. You need to nurture and feed your soul. Rewards for your hard work and efforts at recovery and to just live life. A concert with a friends sounds like a most healthy way to spend your time. And as much as a gambling addiction brings pain, working on it can bring a greater awareness of the true blessings in life. Something we can actually be thankful for.
I agree… a normal life is achievable for us all.
great post!
LauraSo sorry P! dang it! Wouldn’t it be nice for something to come a little easy to you for a change. I’m in group now if you are around. Come talk! Got my coffee ready! Laura
Hi Gigi,
what did you gamble on previously if you don’t mind my asking? Just be careful you don’t keep the feeling of betting alive with a new source. It is still a matter of trying to turn something into a win which may be a trigger. It’s great you didn’t feel anything but maybe don’t tempt it to be on the safe side? Glad your money is in the bank and you haven’t been at your regular poison. Baby steps!
LauraHi Tina,
sometimes i find it difficult to keep up with everyone! Funny (not haha) thing is the forum gets busy right before Christmas every year. It’s a time of year it can be harder to hide the affects of gambling because of the expected gifts and merry making. It bursts a lot of bubbles. I think a lot of CG’s live in a bubble and as long as we have money to gamble it’s like we don’t want to even acknowledge the bigger picture or what we are really doing to our finances.
I’ve asked GT to see if they can find my old thread from 2009. I know I was dealing with this exact question at the time, how, when, could i tell my partner! He was finishing a really busy time at work and I knew he would be upset. He had every right to be really. I had left him as destitute as myself as all our money was pooled. I agonized for weeks until I felt the time was right. I wanted us to have some time together when i told him. So that if he wanted to talk about it he could. I figured he’d be angry but in all honesty I think he first went into shock when I told him. He would ask a question and then get quiet. A little later he asked another question. Then he left for a while. He wanted to know things like how much had I spent. And if I was going to wait til they showed up to repossess the house to tell him.
I just told him how terribly sorry I was and that I was taking steps to try and stop gambling. I told him if he wanted to leave me I would understand. But to my surprise he told me I wasn’t the first person to have a problem with the pokie machines.
We’ve been through a lot together since then. We still have some issues but I’ve come a long way in my expectations. But we are still a work in progress.
Sending good vibes of strength your way!
LauraHello Monica, so nice to see you get spoiled a little. Your son sounds like a pretty intelligent lovely young man. I totally agree with IDI, take credit for it 🙂
I am once again reading your post three or four days behind! I feel as though even on GT I am always playing catch up. And therefore when i get my two cents in (because that’s just me, one of my character flaws i feel, that i feel nothing is complete without my input!) I may be inflaming a conversation that had worked its course and was settling down!
Happy Belated Birthday! I think I was early too, but never right on time haha. I too am a bad receiver and had to rethink that! I complain when people don’t do things for me but I’m the first to tell them to stop when they are because it makes me feel uncomfortable to receive instead of give. I’ve been with my husband for nearly three decades. I think in a lot of ways I was responsible for letting him get off with behaviours. I try to remember boundaries. And that I am the one that needs to set those for myself. If I leave it up to others there will always be people willing to encroach for their own benefit!
One of the recovery B words I call them. Boundaries, Barriers, Balance.
So have a great day beautiful! And now a nice weekend to look forward too as well.
((( Monica )))
Laura