[Dark Energy]

I think addiction is a symptom of a deeper issue.

there is a series of activities that occurs before you place the first bet, some of them are immediately before.., some of them are distant… far away back in the chain of events, and when you make a bet you will get a dopamine rush and that makes the brain circuit for the action before it grows and makes it hard to stop because you need to get that dopamine rush again. I may have resolved the immediate activities part by road blockers and self “cognitive therapy” but the distant cause I have to figure out and overcome.

this time I am dealing with the gambling consequences without the hope that I could figure out how to trade in a safe way.

to the irony, this hope was helpful to regulate my mood, but it was the reason why I have relapsed.

so now I am facing the reality as it is.  which is tough after years of addiction.

as I posted here before my new dream is just to live a normal life. 

[Dark Energy]

Day#28, almost one month, good progress yes but I am feeling depressed this week was the worst, usually, as time passes I get better and more active but I don’t know what is the issue this time. I am feeling more depressed.
n
n
n

[Dark Energy]

Day#27

[Dark Energy]

day#26

[Dark Energy]

Day#25

[Dark Energy]

it is going well so far, no temptations to gamble, it seems for the first time I am totally convinced there is no way to trade forex and win because it is a gambling activity. I glad that I lost this hope.
nkeeping this hope “the hope that I can figure out how to trade successfully” was the main reason for my relapses.
n
nI am not trying anymore to find a solution because there is no solution, it is a gambling activity and will never lead to any good result.
n
nIt seems this is it, I have reached the point where there is no return. I have been trying for 3 or 4 years with many relapsed but I never reach this state of mind.
nbut Could it be that easy?
n
n

[Dark Energy]

Day#23

[Dark Energy]

Day#22

[Dark Energy]

Day#21

[Dark Energy]

Day#20

[Dark Energy]

Well, another day passed, I am getting better but damn I am getting depressed from the silliest things, I think I am so vulnerable at this stage of recovery.

[Dark Energy]

Day#18.

[Dark Energy]

Day#17

[Dark Energy]

Day#16

[Dark Energy]

Day#15

[Author]

Posts