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Hi Jack,
It was good to meet you in the group yesterday.
My thoughts on sharing is that it’s important to do for several reasons.
Firstly, accountability. As you will have read in the forum and as discussed in the group last night barriers help. No money = no gambling, funny how really we all know that anyway from the times we lost our money and had none to gamble! If you can find someone you can be accountable to then that’s a big deterrent. It’s stil your money, you can still spend it on pretty much anything you want to do/buy – but if you gamble acountability means that you WILL be found out.
Then there is putting others minds at rest. Those around us might not know how big a problem we have. They might not even know what the problem is. Usually though they know that there is some sort of problem. It is pretty much impossible to completely hise our mood swings, our hights and lows so someone around us will know something is up.
Enabling. In the case of people who may on occasion borrow money/get bailed out of financial difficulties by family etc then it’s important they know about the problem so that that enabling can stop. If I was still getting bailed out by my family then i would probably still be gambling.
Using support. Not coming clean can actually harm our recovery by stopping/limiting our use of support. How can someone get to a GA meeting if someone they live with doesn’t know they have to be there? Thye would have to duck and dive, make excuses, lie etc etc Apart from anything else partners would likely suspect an affair!
Even using this site – what would your partner think if when she came inot the room you quickly switched windows on the PC? Closed it down etc? Again otehr suspicions might arise and of copurse it would make you les able to use support when you needed it?
I’m sure I can think of many otehr reasons but I think you will be getting the message.
Now then HOW to come clean. When we tell partners etc of the problem then we are of course presenting a problem. We don’t have to do just that though. When we come clean it makes it easier for all if we don’t only present the problem but also show what we are going to DO about it. You could show them this site, ask for help with barriers etc So, not just the problem but the start of the solution as well.
We talked about your occupation in the group last night but as you posted about it here i will answer that as well for the benefit of others in the same position who may be reading.
Honesty is required.
I know people who work in the gambling industry who have a successful recovery while still continuing to have successful careers.
I also know those who don’t find that possible, the constant reminders/temptations are too much for them. In that case a career change is pretty much essential for recovery. After all even with a drop in salary most of us would be better off that we would be with a higher salary but still gambling.
Using support. If those closest to us don’t know there is a problem
Other problems. It sounds like you have other issues you are dealing with, most of us do, in some form or other, when we stop gambling. My first advice would be to use the support that is out there for those issues as well. Secoundly my own personal opinion is that, whatever other issues we have, it is unlikely we will be able to address any of them, or sometimes even realise them, while we are still in action.
Anyway, thsi post is long enough now and the group is getting busy. Keep posting.
Great to see you back posting Trinity.
Hi again Kensakus,
Keep reading the other stories here and you will soon see things that you could apply to your own situation. How about installing a blocker on your PC? That will stop you visiting any gambling site. GamBlock https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/gamblock is one site that provides such blockers though of course there are others as well.
What other positive steps have you taken since you last posted? Have you told your attorney how you deceived him? Doing that will make you less abel to do it again. How about GA meetings?
We put a lot of effort into our gambling, try and put similar effort into doing things to help your recovery.
Keep posting and let us know the positive steps you are taking.
Hi Gareth, Well done on not gambling today. Planning your days will help you keep your time and thoughts occupied away from gambling.
There are 5 weeks or so between now and the when you go to Gordon House, between now and then use as much support as you can. Post here, get into the groups, maybe check out a GA meeing in your area as well.
What barriers can you put in place as well? How about getting yourself banned from where ever it is you normally gamble? Is there someone who could look after your money for you and/or make you accountable?
Keep posting, see you in a group again soon i hope.
Great post SJ, hopefully see you in the group shortly.
For anyone who couldn’t connect with Velvet this evening I’m just letting you know there is a Drop in group currently open. I got in and opened it okay and while someone else had a little trouble getting in they did make it in the end. Anyway, I’m here drinking a cuppa and anyone is welcome to join me.
Hi Bettie,
One thing that has always helped me deal with people I might not like dealing with is….
If someone is an a***hole than the very last thing i am going to do is let them affect my recovery.
Well done on getting past your urges
Hi Simon and welcome back.
I’m glad you have been reading the success stories here – what things are working for others that you can apply to your own situation? How about a blocker for your PC? How about being accountable for your money? I’m sure your wife would be delighted to help with that.
It’s good that you plan to stay close to support for the next few weeks, let us know the positive actioans you are taking to make your next bet less likely.
That brings me to a couple of lines I want to quote back to you…..
“…….and thought I could control myself…….”
“….I’m going to be back and forth to the the forums for the next few weeks as I need a lot of support at the moment…..”
It’s the time AFTER the next couple weeks that is important – don’t take your “eye off recovery” again. We all need support to stop gambling. It’s important to remember that we also need support to maintain recovery, as you have found.
Keep posting.
Hi again Laura,
Learn that lesson. This is a gambling addiction, once we cut off our normal “drug of choice” it’s easy for teh addiction to switch to another form of gambling. Scratch cards themselves can become a problem or of course any small to medium win can give us thoughts of “my lucks in today” etc which can be a big trigger.
I was going to post to you anyway about support you might want to use. You will probably have read about Gamblers Anonymous here, which could help you with your own addiction, but have you heard of Al Anon? It’s a support group for family and friends of alcoholics. You could get support there from people going throught the same sort of thing you go through with your mother. You might find that useful.
Keep posting
“The real challenge will be when I get paid though as I know I have money to spare”
Use that knowledge Laura.
You have 2 weeks until payday, what things can you put in place before then? I know you said your mum couldn’t hold your money but how about your boyfriend? If he isn’t actually holding it he could still help you be accountable for how you spend it.
Maybe you could find the courage to tell him? He will be better placed to help and support your recovery when he knows about the problem. You won’t just be presenting him with a problem; you will be showing him what you are going to do about it.
Keep posting
Hi laura, well done one getting passed those urges.
It sounds like the financial side of things will soon take care of itself. The help I mentioned on your other thread was the help that the Citizens Advice bureau and otehr places in the UK offer for free. They can help people get things to a manageable position if they are unable to do that on their own, they do that by writing to creditors etc. It sounds though as if you can manage things on your own re the money side of things.
You can get a blocker for your PC, that way you can’t change your mind or look for other sites.
Be careful of having all your money in cash though. Whilst your current “drug of choice” is online gambling once that is removed you might find other forms of gambling more tempting – having a lot of easily accesible cash lying around can be problematic for a compulsive gambler. keep posting.
Hello Ken my friend. First of all my heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
You have supported many, many people here and on other sites. Please now use the support that you have. There is a lot of it out there both for our addiction and anything else we have to go through.
My thoughts are with you.
Hi Nychantal, keep using support for you.
He knows where the support is, now it has to be up to him to choose whether to use it.
If he doesn’t then you might have to make your own tough choices, using support here and elsewhere will help you be in a better position to do that.
Whether or not he ever decides to go to GA you would be welcome at a Gam Anon meeting where you can get support for yourself.
I am a compulsive gambler, I haven’t had a bet for a while now. I couldn’t do it on my own though. One thing I got good at when I was in action was manipulation and control. From what you have said he it sounds like he is only agreeing to the minimum and then exerting control by threatening to not even do that. I’m a little concerned by “……after he saw a text from my mom …….” does he check your texts?
You can get stronger by using support, protect yourself financially and set boundaries, maybe the privacy of your own phone and conversations with your mum and other people who can support you need to be one of those boundaries.
Keep posting and you can gain the strength to do what’s right for YOU.
Great post kathryn, great dreams. The difference between the dreams we have now and the get rich quick fantasies we had when we were gambling is that your current dreams will one day become a reality.
One day you really will have a “Bon vacance!”