[caribbean blue]

My husbands mood has not changed since my post last week. He is grumpy because I did not give him the money he wanted. I set boundaries for myself and I followed through with them so he is feeling the pinch.

I do have a question. It may seem silly. Do I just say no when he asks of money or do I also give my reason for saying no. Last week I said no I don’t have the money. Does it make a difference to a CG what the reason is?

[caribbean blue]

I find that my husband’s memory is not good during and after he gambles. Not sure why that is… He has even noticed it and commented on it.

He wanted money last night and I said no. He texted a few times and even called me but I stayed calm and then he ended up coming home shortly after. We did not discuss it when he got home. I knew he was upset but I am setting my boundaries and need to follow through.

I did tell him that I am seeking support and learning about problem gambling. He was a bit shocked but he was fine with it. I did mention to him about how he has been saying he wants “my help” and I told him that I could not be his saviour. He then said “he is the only one that can save himself”. He is coming to me more and talking about how much he will be contributing each month. He did contribute last payday and also gambled. I do see changes in him but his actions speak volumes and he is still not ready to stop gambling.

I am working out twice a week now and I find that is very helpful. I do feel stronger and healthier and I do feel more confident about the decisions I make.

Thanks for all the feedback.

[caribbean blue]

I left the money in his account because I did not want to go through the gambling arguments as they are very draining. I am trying to decrease my stress, anger and anxiety.

I checked his account around midnight and he had not withdrawn any money yet. He gets off of work at 10:00 pm so I was surprised. He got home around 2:00 am and then I looked on my phone and he only had $100 left.

My goal is to not confront him as soon as he comes home and just wait until the next day to talk as he is still in the “active phase”. I was very angry that he just gambled/spent $600 though.

I laid in bed for about 10 minutes and then I went to talk to him in the dining room. I stayed calm, kept my voice low, asked a few questions. He became agitated because “I wanted to do this right now”. Then he proceeded to tell me he put some gas in his car (which i seen online), paid his tab (which i seen), paid someone back $80 that he borrowed and that he gambled the rest which was around $400. And of course said “yah I gambled $400 so what, it’s not that bad”, I gave you 500 to put on the credit card”.

To me it is bad. He spent the balance of his cheque in 1 day. He has to live on $100 for 2 weeks. Now I am going to have to fill up his car and he expects me to probably give in pocket cash. Which he thinks will be coming out of the 500 he gave me on the credit card.

Last week I only gave him $20 for pocket cash that is why he borrowed money from someone else. I don’t feel guilty anymore though. If he is going to go somewhere else to get the money then that is his decision.

I told him I am trying to help and maybe I should handle his money for awhile. He said he did not feel comfortable with that. I said it was an option and we should stop talking because he was getting defensive.

I guess at this point if he does not want me to handle his money I have to decide how long I want to live like this. We will never get ahead then. He needs to contribute to the household bills. It was like he wanted a gold star for doing so.

[caribbean blue]

My husband got paid today and he deposited his cheque in our joint account (my pay checks do NOT go in there). I took half of his cheque to put towards the credit card bill (as we discussed before) and he wants the rest left in his account to pay for groceries this weekend and the remainder for him to access in the next 2 weeks.

He has $100 on him so I don’t think he should have more. I told him that and his reply was that he needs to see if he can handle having money in there and not withdrawal it. Then I dropped it.

If I go online and move it all over (he does not have access to the online banking) and he tries to withdrawal money tonight it will cause a big fight or I could just wait and see how long it takes him to spend it all?????

He plays the tables at the casino so he needs money in hand or have access to money on his ATM card.

He has these moment of clarity and then the gambling brain creeps in and he can easily change his mind. He also is so forgetful after a gambling episode.

There is the concern of rocking the boat. He did follow through with contributing this pay day which is a change but I really just want all of his cheque.

[caribbean blue]

Έχω μάθει πολλά τις τελευταίες ημέρες και θα αναφέρομαι συχνά σε αυτό. Η γνώση φέρνει ενδυνάμωση.

[caribbean blue]

나는 지난 며칠 동안 많은 것을 배웠고 나는 이것을 자주 참조할 것이다. 지식은 권한을 부여합니다.

[caribbean blue]

मैंने पिछले कुछ दिनों में बहुत कुछ सीखा है और मैं अक्सर इसका उल्लेख करूंगा। ज्ञान सशक्तिकरण लाता है।

[caribbean blue]

I have learned a lot over the past few days and I will refer to this often. Knowledge brings empowerment.

[caribbean blue]

Tgħallimt ħafna matul dawn l-aħħar jiem u ser nirreferi għal dan spiss. L-għarfien iġib is-setgħa.

[caribbean blue]

Pēdējo dienu laikā esmu daudz iemācījies un uz to bieži atsaukšos. Zināšanas sniedz iespēju.

[caribbean blue]

Jeg har lært mye de siste dagene, og jeg vil referere til dette ofte. Kunnskap gir makt.

[caribbean blue]

Am învățat multe în ultimele zile și mă voi referi la acest lucru des. Cunoașterea aduce abilitare.

[caribbean blue]

Научих много през последните няколко дни и често ще споменавам това. Знанието носи овластяване.

[caribbean blue]

Aprendi muito nos últimos dias e irei me referir a isso com frequência. Conhecimento traz empoderamento.

[caribbean blue]

He aprendido mucho en los últimos días y me referiré a esto a menudo. El conocimiento trae empoderamiento.

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