[caribbean blue]

Hi

For me reducing the amount I see, text and call my ex has been really good for me. I have been lonely for sometime in our marriage so not always communicating with him or seeing him has not been a big change for me. He has felt that change though and is angry by it. I don’t put him first anymore. I don’t make myself available to him as I did before. He does make wise cracks about me wanting “change”. I just smile to myself and carry on with the conversation. I am getting better with setting boundaries with him and being more assertive and sometimes he sees that as me being bitchy. I am just speaking my truth and he is not use to that.

I also keep a journal which I sometimes write harsh words and negatives thoughts but they need to come out and I find it healing. Some days I can feel sad, mad, bitter, and resentful. It makes for an exhausting day but I am dealing with the feelings instead of pushing them aside. Life for me has been isolating so I am looking into things to get me out of the house. It has been an eye opening journey so far.

Talk soon
CB

[caribbean blue]

Hi Velvet, thanks for the support. My counsellor was the one to recommend co-dependents anonymous as I have behaviours I have developed with dealing with my sister and parents over the years. I have taken these behaviours into all my adult relationships and really need to look at how much I am willing to give up to be with a partner. The gambling did consume me and I did loose myself in the addiction. Putting myself first and learning to care and love me is my priority. I do really need to figure out a lot of stuff to have a more balanced life.

Thanks
CB

[caribbean blue]

Hi Velvet

This past week has been emotional for me. I am attending meetings and reading literature from Gam-Anon and Co-dependents Anonymous. This has brought up emotions and of course been a bit frightening. The worry and obsession with him and his addiction have taken over my life. Being 4 months apart now, I am starting to think clearer and my thoughts aren’t on him all the time. Not being around him and not communicating much with him, helps me greatly. I am focusing more on me and dealing with my emotions when they come up and reminding myself I need to “love the self” and “put myself first”. I need to let him go and let his Higher Power look after him. It is not my job. I really need to focus on self care and be really aware of my emotions. I do see an improvement in myself and I am proud of that.

Talk soon
CB

[caribbean blue]

Thanks for the support Velvet. I have lost touch with friends over the years so my husband was the main person I talked to and hung out with. My friends and I lost touch way before he had a gambling problem. My counsellor helps as do my parents (for the most part). They are getting better. I do have a support group I phone in to. I just think I get impatient and want things to get done quicker than what is realistic. I do have to focus more on me and that can be hard as I am so use to focusing on him and his problem. Baby steps though. I am getting better at noticing that I am doing that.

Talk soon
CB

[caribbean blue]

Hi

Things with my parents have gotten better for the most part. Sometimes they do get frustrated as they things are not progressing or moving to slow. I have made changes in myself and do feel stronger. I am doing as much as I can about my self care. Recently I scheduled an appointment with the bank to get my name off his car loan and he did not even show up. This is the 3rd time I have rescheduled. He did not call or text. Is he just stringing me along? Right now he gives me the money for the car loan and I pay it but it can not stay like this for the remainder of the loan. One moment he wants the load and bank stuff done and then he cancels. His moods change so quickly and we don’t speak a lot so I don’t know where he is staying right now and if that is playing into his mood swings. Frustrating.

Thanks
CB

[caribbean blue]

Hi Velvet

I am thankful that there are people like yourself that do understand. You are a total stranger and I feel more support from you. My mom says she is reading more about it online but she does have a hard time understanding it all. It just seems so easy she says to just take his cheques and control his money. I don’t really talk to them about the gambling much anymore and just keep it to other things. It is not my responsibility my counsellor says to make them understand. I will just have to learn to let certain things go. She wants me to be nasty and spiteful but I don’t have the energy for that. I just want to be civil and get on with my life. One day at a time. Some days are OK and others are not so good.

Thanks for the kind words.

Talk soon.

[caribbean blue]

Olá, obrigado pela resposta e palavras de apoio. Sinto que estou ficando mais forte e não estando em volta do drama que vem com o problema do meu marido, estou menos ansiosa. Meus pais estão me ajudando financeiramente agora e acho que esse é o ponto sensível para eles. Eles sabiam da dívida antes de nos separarmos, mas não precisaram fazer nada a respeito. Agora preciso da ajuda deles para repor o dinheiro que meu marido colocaria. Eles sempre tiveram problemas com suporte emocional. Eles nem sempre ouvem bem e querem dar conselhos, embora não saibam como lidar com o vício. Eles estão muito zangados agora e eu, infelizmente, recebo o pior disso. Meu pai fica me perguntando quando vai colocar dinheiro para pagar dívidas. Eu digo que não tenho certeza, mas enquanto ele está jogando ativamente, provavelmente não o fará. Essa não é uma resposta boa o suficiente, embora ele continue perguntando. O horário em que o grupo está é no meio do dia de trabalho para mim, então não tenho certeza se poderei entrar. Vou ver como vão as coisas.

[caribbean blue]

Olá, obrigado pela resposta e palavras de apoio. Sinto que estou ficando mais forte e não estando em volta do drama que vem com o problema do meu marido, estou menos ansiosa. Meus pais estão me ajudando financeiramente agora e acho que esse é o ponto sensível para eles. Eles sabiam da dívida antes de nos separarmos, mas não precisaram fazer nada a respeito. Agora preciso da ajuda deles para repor o dinheiro que meu marido colocaria. Eles sempre tiveram problemas com suporte emocional. Eles nem sempre ouvem bem e querem dar conselhos, embora não saibam como lidar com o vício. Eles estão muito zangados agora e eu, infelizmente, recebo o pior disso. Meu pai fica me perguntando quando vai colocar dinheiro para pagar dívidas. Eu digo que não tenho certeza, mas enquanto ele está jogando ativamente, provavelmente não o fará. Essa não é uma resposta boa o suficiente, embora ele continue perguntando. O horário em que o grupo está é no meio do dia de trabalho para mim, então não tenho certeza se poderei entrar. Vou ver como vão as coisas.

[caribbean blue]

Sveiki, ačiū už atsakymą ir palaikančius žodžius. Jaučiuosi stiprėjanti ir nebūdama drauge su vyro problema, mažiau jaudinuosi. Mano tėvai šiuo metu man padeda finansiškai ir manau, kad tai jiems skaudi vieta. Jie žinojo apie skolą, kol mes išsiskyrėme, tačiau jiems nieko nereikėjo daryti. Dabar man reikia jų pagalbos, kad pakeisčiau pinigus, kuriuos įdėtų mano vyras. Jie visada turėjo problemų dėl emocinės paramos. Jie ne visada gerai klauso ir nori patarti, nors nežino, kaip elgtis su priklausomybe. Jie šiuo metu yra labai pikti ir, deja, aš tai patiriu. Mano tėtis manęs nuolat klausia, kada įdės pinigų skoloms grąžinti. Sakau, nesu tikras, bet kol jis aktyviai lošia, greičiausiai to nedarys. Tai nėra pakankamai geras atsakymas, nors jis nuolat klausia. Grupės laikas man yra darbo dienos viduryje, todėl nesu tikras, ar galėsiu prisijungti. Žiūrėsiu, kaip viskas klostysis.

[caribbean blue]

Hi

Thanks for the response and supportive words. I do feel myself getting stronger and not being around the drama that comes with my husband’s problem, I am less anxious.

My parents are helping me financially right now and I think that is the sore spot for them. They knew about the debt before we split but they did not have to do anything about it. Now I need their help to replace the money that my husband would put in. They have always had problems with emotional support. They don’t always listen that good and want to provide the advice even though they don’t know how to deal with addiction. They are very angry right now and I unfortunately get the brunt of it.

My dad keeps asking me when he will put money in for debt repayment. I say not sure but while he is actively gambling he probably will not. That is not a good enough answer though as he keeps asking.

The time the group is at is in the middle of the work day for me so I am not sure if I will be able to join. I will see how things go.

[caribbean blue]

Здравейте Благодаря за отговора и подкрепящите думи. Имам чувството, че ставам по -силен и не съм около драмата, която идва с проблема на съпруга ми, аз съм по -малко притеснен. Родителите ми ми помагат финансово в момента и мисля, че това е болезненото място за тях. Те знаеха за дълга преди да се разделим, но не трябваше да правят нищо по въпроса. Сега имам нужда от тяхната помощ, за да заменя парите, които съпругът ми би вложил. Те винаги са имали проблеми с емоционалната подкрепа. Те не винаги слушат толкова добре и искат да дадат съвет, въпреки че не знаят как да се справят със зависимостта. Те са много ядосани в момента и аз за съжаление поемам основната тежест. Баща ми постоянно ме пита кога ще вложи пари за погасяване на дълга. Казвам не съм сигурен, но докато той активно залага, вероятно няма да го направи. Това обаче не е достатъчно добър отговор, тъй като той продължава да пита. Времето, в което групата е, е по средата на работния ден за мен, така че не съм сигурен дали ще мога да се присъединя. Ще видя как ще се развият нещата.

[caribbean blue]

Salut Vă mulțumim pentru răspuns și cuvinte de susținere. Mă simt din ce în ce mai puternic și nu sunt în preajma dramei care vine cu problema soțului meu, sunt mai puțin anxioasă. Părinții mei mă ajută financiar chiar acum și cred că acesta este locul dureros pentru ei. Știau despre datorie înainte să ne despărțim, dar nu au trebuit să facă nimic pentru asta. Acum am nevoie de ajutorul lor pentru a înlocui banii pe care i-ar pune soțul meu. Au avut întotdeauna probleme cu sprijinul emoțional. Nu ascultă întotdeauna atât de bine și vor să ofere sfaturi, chiar dacă nu știu cum să facă față dependenței. Sunt foarte supărați chiar acum și, din păcate, primesc greutatea. Tatăl meu mă întreabă mereu când va pune bani pentru rambursarea datoriilor. Nu știu sigur, dar în timp ce joacă în mod activ, probabil că nu. Acesta nu este un răspuns suficient de bun, totuși pe măsură ce continuă să întrebe. Momentul în care se află grupul este în mijlocul zilei de lucru pentru mine, așa că nu sunt sigur dacă mă voi putea alătura. Voi vedea cum merg lucrurile.

[caribbean blue]

Salut Merci pour la réponse et les mots de soutien. Je me sens devenir plus forte et ne pas être à côté du drame qui vient avec le problème de mon mari, je suis moins anxieuse. Mes parents m'aident financièrement en ce moment et je pense que c'est leur point sensible. Ils étaient au courant de la dette avant notre séparation, mais ils n'avaient rien à faire à ce sujet. Maintenant, j'ai besoin de leur aide pour remplacer l'argent que mon mari y mettrait. Ils ont toujours eu des problèmes de soutien émotionnel. Ils n'écoutent pas toujours très bien et veulent donner des conseils même s'ils ne savent pas comment gérer la dépendance. Ils sont très en colère en ce moment et j'en fais malheureusement les frais. Mon père n'arrête pas de me demander quand il mettra de l'argent pour rembourser la dette. Je dis pas sûr, mais pendant qu'il joue activement, il ne le fera probablement pas. Ce n'est pas une réponse suffisante, car il continue de demander. L'heure à laquelle se trouve le groupe est au milieu de la journée de travail pour moi, donc je ne suis pas sûr de pouvoir le rejoindre. Je vais voir comment les choses se passent.

[caribbean blue]

ہیلو جواب اور معاون الفاظ کے لیے شکریہ۔ میں اپنے آپ کو مضبوط ہوتا ہوا محسوس کر رہا ہوں اور اپنے شوہر کے مسئلے کے ساتھ آنے والے ڈرامے کے آس پاس نہیں ، میں کم پریشان ہوں۔ میرے والدین ابھی میری مالی مدد کر رہے ہیں اور میں سمجھتا ہوں کہ یہ ان کے لیے تکلیف دہ جگہ ہے۔ وہ ہمارے تقسیم ہونے سے پہلے قرض کے بارے میں جانتے تھے لیکن انہیں اس کے بارے میں کچھ کرنے کی ضرورت نہیں تھی۔ اب مجھے ان کی مدد کی ضرورت ہے جو میرے شوہر ڈالیں گے۔ انہیں ہمیشہ جذباتی مدد کے ساتھ مسائل کا سامنا کرنا پڑتا ہے۔ وہ ہمیشہ اتنا اچھا نہیں سنتے اور مشورہ دینا چاہتے ہیں حالانکہ وہ نہیں جانتے کہ نشے سے کیسے نمٹنا ہے۔ وہ ابھی بہت ناراض ہیں اور میں بدقسمتی سے اس کا خمیازہ بھگت رہا ہوں۔ میرے والد مجھ سے پوچھتے رہتے ہیں کہ وہ قرض کی ادائیگی کے لیے پیسے کب ڈالیں گے۔ میں یقین سے نہیں کہتا لیکن جب وہ فعال طور پر جوا کھیل رہا ہے تو شاید وہ نہیں کرے گا۔ یہ اتنا اچھا جواب نہیں ہے حالانکہ وہ پوچھتا رہتا ہے۔ گروپ کا وقت میرے لیے کام کے دن کے وسط میں ہے اس لیے مجھے یقین نہیں ہے کہ میں شامل ہو سکوں گا یا نہیں۔ میں دیکھوں گا کہ معاملات کیسے چلتے ہیں۔

[caribbean blue]

Hola, gracias por la respuesta y las palabras de apoyo. Siento que me estoy volviendo más fuerte y al no estar cerca del drama que viene con el problema de mi esposo, estoy menos ansiosa. Mis padres me están ayudando económicamente en este momento y creo que ese es el punto delicado para ellos. Sabían de la deuda antes de que nos separáramos, pero no tenían que hacer nada al respecto. Ahora necesito su ayuda para reemplazar el dinero que pondría mi esposo. Siempre han tenido problemas con el apoyo emocional. No siempre escuchan tan bien y quieren dar consejos a pesar de que no saben cómo lidiar con la adicción. Están muy enojados en este momento y desafortunadamente yo me llevo la peor parte. Mi papá sigue preguntándome cuándo pondrá dinero para el pago de la deuda. Digo que no estoy seguro, pero mientras juega activamente, probablemente no lo hará. Sin embargo, esa no es una respuesta lo suficientemente buena como sigue preguntando. La hora a la que está el grupo es a la mitad de la jornada laboral para mí, así que no estoy seguro de poder unirme. Veré cómo van las cosas.

[Author]

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