[Callmecrazy]

How are you?
I know the feeling of laying in bed and the desperation. I know the fatigue. I know about your vow to never gamble again only to wake up the next morning with a little more energy and little more hope, enough to repeat the same cycle again. I’ve been there. It isn’t pretty.

I’m now past a month of gamble free time. I have a ton of debt, no steady job, billions of problems, but my days aren’t plagued by the heavy stress that comes with gambling. No everyday guilt, shame, remorse, disgust and craziness from depositing one amount after the other. That alone is a good reason to start your journey of getting this illusion out of your life. Gambling is a scam. All the billboards, the ads, the promises, the hopes, they’re all huge lies.

The first 10 days all I could do is breathe. I couldn’t focus on anyone but myself. Here I am now, encouraging others to stop. It’s an improvement for sure. You should do it. You must do it! You can do it!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Callmecrazy.

[Callmecrazy]

Yes, stop gambling.
Gambling is a scam. Huge taxes for corrupt governments and yachts for casino moguls. In any decent society it should be banned. They do not care about you or that they are unfair. They only care about taking your money and at the cost of your life if need be.

I’m now past my one month mark. The more time you put into gamble free time, the easier it gets. I had to hit rock bottom hard to start my journey.
Stop while you’re ahead. You can do it!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Callmecrazy.

[Callmecrazy]

Another 10 days gamble free.

[Callmecrazy]

29 days…

[Callmecrazy]

One relapse but 27 days free of gambling.
Still feeling low due to other stressors in life. Feel a little less anxious.

[Callmecrazy]

Wow, two days since my last post! I’m pleased to say I’m feeling slightly better. The reason is I haven’t been gambling and for the first time in ages have control over my finances. My tutoring job is doing well, I’m pocketing some money. Have 50 to earn tomorrow, another 65 on Saturday and another 60 on Monday! Doing well!

[Callmecrazy]

With the exception of one relapse, today is my day 22 without gambling. A high number for me.
How do I feel? Since I’m without a steady income anxious and afraid but happy the little money I have is not being given away to casino lords. I will never approve of the industry. It’s made to wreck lives and steal money.

[Callmecrazy]

Checking in three days later…
Still gamble free with some money im my pockets. Largely due to being unable to gamble as I have excluded myself from all online casinos in my country.
Still extremely worried about my future and depressed. I feel like I’m never going to find a new job.

[Callmecrazy]

Another gamble day gone by. I recieved a tax return today I hadn’t expected. Wow! I couldn’t believe it. Unexpected money. Today I’m gamble free, paid some bills and still have money im my account. It isn’t much but it’s very motivating!

[Callmecrazy]

So today is my day 1 again. I excluded from the last casino where I could play. A friend loaned me some money today, she came out of the blue. I’m so grateful. Tomorrow, I’m paying all my bills with the money. Hopefully I’ve learned my lesson.
If I could make it 14 days, I can make it 28. Technically my relapse was only 3 hours so I had already put some gamble free time into my recovery.

[Callmecrazy]

So on my day 14 I relapsed and lost all my bill money. I borrowed the money, I didn’t even earn it. It was my survival money. I will try to sleep now. I don’t think I will be able to make it. I’m depressed day in, day out. Severely anxious and I can’t go on. I wish I was never born.

[Callmecrazy]

Day 13
No gambling. Feeling severely anxious. Got declined for a job application. At least they took the time to answer. I hope I won’t recieve one decline after another. My tutoring job is also in turmoil. All the kids I tutor have the flu or cancelling their lessons for one reason or a another. This is the greatest test I have been through my entire life: no steady job, no savings, both my parents deceased, huge inflation and depression. I have been bullied on my previous workplace, I survived 17 years of it. I couldn’t endure it another day longer so I quit. Fast forwards two months, my parents both died. I now beat myself up for leaving my job. It’s easy to look at the situation from today’s stand point, but at the time I had an ill mother to take care of, an abusive father. I was alone in all of it. I just couldn’t handle any of it anymore. And I gambled for escape, no winnings to lift me up. I crashed and burned out.

[Callmecrazy]

End of day 11. A little depressed and anxious today, but stayed productive. Earned 30 euros and got in touch with a job recruiter. Feel kind of bad that I might need to work jobs way beneath my education and skill level. I guess every job is an honest job. Unless something else turns up for the summer, the job will only server for money and only for 2-3 months. Tbh, I don’t feel like being pushed around by high school graduduates while 5 years went into my master’s degree and 17 years into work experience. But I have no family and no job and tutoring only goes as far as the end of the school year. I don’t mean to be snobish but there is so much bullying im the workforce right now, and out of experience the more educated I am the more bullied I get.

[Callmecrazy]

As it turns out, I’m not yet ready to give in without a fight. Worked all day today updating my resume, applied for two jobs. Feeling more energetic and hopeful. I must stay focused with my mind on the goal. Something must open up for me. I have been used and misused so much throught my life by my family and previous workplace, I trust God will work some miracle for me.
Day 9, had no urges to gamble, did think about slot machines once.
I believe, I must go through this rough period as not to gamble ever again.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Callmecrazy.

[Callmecrazy]

End of day 8
Woke up today immediately anxious but then decided to nip my anxiety in the bud. I got out of bed and worked on updating my resume the entire day. Worked three tutoring lessons too. Earned 30 euros. Even went for a haircut, an action long overdue. In all, I spent a full day working. Need to finish updating my resume tomorrow and start sending it out. Also need to keep my focus on finding a job. Focusing on the goal is the key. Stay focused, focused, focused! I thought about asking a friend to lend me some money, but feel bad about that, so I didn’t do it. I don’t owe friends any money, never borrowed from anyone. Now I am going to rest, giving my worries to God and asking him to provide for me until I get back on my feet. One day at a time is all I got.

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