I mean you are all right in what you say in the posts above. Not “you’re all right Vera” (Which of course you are !).
I’m just absoloutly drained with it all. I could go back to my old job from Tuesday, I had to have 3 months off after operation. The thing is my partner who I worked with has been working with someone else when I’ve been off and dosn’t want to come back to work with me..so unless I can find a qualified driver by tomorrow I cant go back next week.
I’ve just been paid, i have got £199 in the bank..tomorrow I have to pay a £80 phone bill or I will be cut off, that includes internet. Last week I told my landlord I would give him £250. I have no clean clothes, launderette is £20ish. And to top it off I only have 4 days in work this week so next week I will get about the same amount. So my debts are mounting, I suppose not mounting to the extents they would be if I were gambling…(Every cloud has a silver lining).
I really need to buy some food as well. I hit a low point today I didnt even have 20p to blow my very flat tyre up….I’ve got twelve weeks of living like this to get out the money situation I’m in. If I had my old job back I could live a lot better and be out the doo dar within 3 weeks.
My mam stopped in a hotel for 3 weeks whilst I was in hospital, it was my mams voice that brought me out the coma….she is poorly I borrowed money from her at christmas I cant even go and visit her, I knew that this would have been a possible outcome before I gambled, I still went. What does that make me…it makes me a right selfish so-and-so.
The hope is hard to accept for me at the minute, what ever will be will be, hoping for something is as useful as worrying about something. Futile really, dosn’t change things.
Hope keeps some people ticking, not me I’m afraid. I think hope can lead to disappointment. Acceptance is the key I think. I find it hard to accept that I went back to gambling, but I did.
I dont think its going to be a struggle with gambling tomorrow but my landlord is going to be a hard obstacle to negotiate. I will have to give him a weeks rent £100…I am £400 in arrears.
I have accrued nearly £2000 of debt in this last escapade, in monetary terms far from my biggest loss, but in terms of everything else the biggest loss ever.
One good thing I suppose this time last week I would have been away to the casino.
Dont know if I’ll be back any time soon..I need my phone and internet for work and speaking to mam and daughter. But I have no clean clothes. I have no food in the cupboards and I’m going to need petrol.
I’m in the position I’m sure you all know well. You dont want to gamble but all other avenues to funds are firmly closed. I’m going to end up with one of three things; phone, clean clothes and petrol, or food for the week. Thats for doing the right thing and not gambling. Gambling isnt appealling ..I would more than likely end up homeless…theres a good chance of that anyway though. so what have I got to lose by gambling?? A lot I know, but it dosnt seem like it to me at the minute.