as most of us know what it is like to relapse time and time again. However if you are having suicidal feelings – please speak to someone as soon as possible. The Samaritans or Befrienders international https://www.samaritans.org/ https://www.befrienders.org/ will listen to you in time of crisis.
All the information you need to stop gambling is on this site and you can read in the forums about people who have succeeded in staying stopped. All I can say is that you really need to put as much effort into your recovery as you did into your gambling – so get the best support you can – try self help either GA or similar – or if you can access it counselling. Turn your finances over to your girlfriend or someone you trust, ban and bar yourself from places where you gamble and keep busy with other things. I wish you well.