“I now feel like the last 10 years have been wasted:(”
That was a hard one for me … still is in my more depressing moments – but what is a life if we don’t learn from it? Sometimes the learning is longer and more painful than we would like – but I have learnt a lot about myself and about how to negotiate life because of my gambling …
I don’t think of my 10 years of gambling and another 10 of gambling whilst in recovery as “wasted” because it has taught me to shape my own life and to make it what I want to be. In gambling we are just reactive to an external stimulus (the horses on the screen or the odds!) To really live life, I believe we have to be pro-active.
Of course, we don’t know what our lives would have been if we hadn’t succumbed to the “gambling bug.” Maybe something else (alcohol) would have got us. Maybe we would have gambled “normally” over several years and be just managing but not really have a life. Maybe we would have taken up windsurfing, had a bad accident and be in a wheelchair … who knows!
As for the debts – yes I was there too – for far too many years. Anxious about repayments, living from payday to payday – always feeling I had to tighten my belt … I think the serenity prayer works best here … Can I change things to increase income or reduce expenses (I failed on the “negotiating with my creditors front!”) Then acceptance – and find ways of living a good life on a limited income. Another life lesson!
Be more than happy on your 3 months – 90 days has a special place in the 12 step groups … I think you get a pin. Go and buy or do something special for yourself. You deserve it!