That was a lot to take in and yet so concise you wonder why this is not a part if your own knowledge base. We all know that we have it in us to succeed and to beat this thing because all addiction can be overcome by making the right choices. On the days that I dont gamble I think, boy that was easy, and i think that i have overcome its grasp. Then i start to want the feeling of being relaxed, usually after a horrible day like today will most likely be, and my mind wants to forget all about what I had to endure all day. I think that because I managed to mot gamble for the past days, weeks or months, that I am better prepared to do just a “little”. Its there that i lose sight of my own weakness and quickly become enveloped. I literally can’t stop. I feel like my house could be on fire and I would be running out still pressing the spin button. It’s hard to accept that something as trivial as a game can take over your free will. I watched an episode of Star Trek TNG once where they had these little gaming devices that they were playing that became addictive and no one would stop. They all fought so hard to overcome the evil that these games represented and that is what I think of sometimes when I have been overcome by a bought. That little game is designed to take over my brain and make me want to play. If I don’t start, it cant do that. I have to work on the not starting since i know that i cant stop once i do. I plan on keeping very busy in the next cycle. I need to stay away from all things electronic after work and first thing in the morning. I will journal here and then away goes the phone. It is my best chance at getting the influence out of my line of sight and winning this otherwise tiresome battle. I hope you all can keep the demons at bay for one more day. After all, it really is like the AA motto of “I will not drink today”. I will not gamble, at least for today.
