Hello Laura,
I have been away for a few weeks… half of that reason is because I have told myself “I am fine” and half because I am just lazy when I am working a full time military job and doing a bunch of other things every day that take up time. But I have a good amount of time here today and I just read your post. I am glad to hear that you have another year under your belt. That’s awesome. Congrats. Knowing you went 5 years though and relapsing made me realize that no matter how long we go without an addiction whether it be alcohol, drugs, or gambling.. even after 5.. or 10.. or 15 years.. we are always vulnerable to it.
I’m glad it hasn’t ruined your marriage. I’m sure it nearly did but it sounds like things aren’t how they used to be.
I can tell you that from my marriage (we have no kids) that my wife has literally cried more during my gambling issues than I have ever seen her cry. Its been almost a month and I feel fine. I don’t feel an itch. We are only $2,000 in debt left and although our savings could cover that, we don’t ‘touch our savings’ lol. I am happy that my wife and I will be out of the so called debt I put us in within another month or two at the most as she is currently unemployed as she looks for a job in this new country we are in. I have to say that I have been so busy, I haven’t even had the time to think about gambling. The itch hasn’t even been there. I feel so content and happy with coming home and seeing my wife and traveling with her, or going to the zoo, playing tennis, etc… I know that when we lay our heads down at night that she still has a lot of pain and hurt in her heart and that’s only going to go away with time. She has FULL CONTROL of our finances… we have agreed that she will run my credit report every quarter. She has full access to my e-mails, our bank account and credit cards, etc.
I won’t say that I don’t need this website. I am still new and honestly it has helped out knowing that so many people will reach out to you. I feel a lot happier though without it. My main anxiety now though is when we go back to the United States and I am stationed somewhere where gambling is legal. They just made gambling legal in a few states as far as Sportsbooks and its going to be up to each state to legalize it which I’ve read many are intending to. So my most vulnerable time will be my first few weeks or months back in the united states after my overseas tour is over.
I thank you for taking the time to reply to me. That was sweet and kind of you. I hope that you keep on finding the strength inside you and that you realize that there are so many things about life that can make you fill fulfilled. Have a great weekend!!!!!