Well you are in a hard place, where your Mothers concerned. Have you told her you are seriousley trying to quit?
Fake recovery, real recovery, abstinance, cold turkey…..at the end of the day you havnt gambled that has got to be the most important thing at the minute.
Things take time, a long bloody time for us lot. The longer we’ve been manicly gambling, lying, and deceiving the more our thought processes change, our head becomes full of shit* (excuse the language). Distorted thinking and irrational thoughts become quite natural to us without us really noticing. It takes time for that head full of shit to become a head full of clarity. Mindset as Vera puts it.
Recovery and change are both hard things to acheive, obviousley not impossible but very bloody hard all the same. To change and recover sometimes requires us to do things that we are uncomfortable with, things we feel awkward doing.
I wouldn’t suggested for one minute you blank your mum, but rather than avoiding her I would just tell her how deadly serious you are about quitting maybe on the phone. She more than likely wont believe you, so what? Youve told her, then its up to you to lead by example. Even if she has a big win at the bingo and you miss your share, so what?
Take up knitting!!! (Lol only kidding).
Youve lost loads of money gambling over the years like the rest of us. And that money just aint coming back and thats a fact. Its hard to accept at the time, its easier to accept as the time passes.
Next time your’e aware that your sister and mum are getting ready to gambling ask yourself why the feelings are building inside you. Is it the excitment, the anticipation that you might win the “big one” are you jealous. You know you’ll not talk them out of it, but you know that chances are they’ll lose money whether they can afford it or not. You are the one they should be jealous of. This time next year when you’re away on holiday paid for by the gambling you havnt done, when your house is how you want it will you still be jealous of them then? I doubt it very much.
In order to get that holiday, to improve that house you have to get through each and every day one at a time, you are capable of it you will change more and more as the time passes.
Life will be boring, and quite sad at times, but there will also be good things and genuine happiness along the way. YOU CAN DO THIS.
We all have our own take on what recovery is all about. It’s not all about one thing there are lots of avenues that we have to walk down to get there. I have said over the years, “its all about honesty, particularly self-honesty,” or “its all about awareness” “its all about acceptance” “its all about change,” “its all about support” At the time I said those things I had belief in what I was saying. I believe we need all them things in great abundance, it takes time to get there, it really does.
I think its good youve mentioned Vera in your post, I think shes a kindly woman and if she knows your story better than most she may well be deliberatly contridicting you, but if she is maybe its because she knows you. And a good friend will not just sit there and nod their head if they think you are mistaken.
I had a feeling things werent quite tickety boo between you two, I hope I’m wrong in this. You cant go into the carpark for a punch up so if you have differences of opinions try and get your heads together and work things out. You can help each other, we all can but falling out for one reason or another will not help either of you. I hope you can settle your rift if there is one. Maybe Vera thnks you’re not being completely honest in your posts, you may have told her something away from GT that you have represented differently in your posts. I dont know. But I think it was a wise move voicing how you feel.
I like your reply on my thread, I’ll reply to it there.
Hope you have a safe weekend IDI.
Take care.
Geordie.