I woke up early this morning and decided to tackle the day with life and hope. I had a great talk with my daughter last night and we both decided to try to take a long look at the things we do and why we do them. She had been shopping a little too much lately and decided that perhaps she needs to address this and I need to address my gambling. I didnt tell her that but I know she knows that something has been different these last few years. The time I spent talking with her and the time we spent together after work would not have happened a few months ago as i would have been otherwise engaged, so it is time that we have recaptured.
I have started a list of things to do tomorrow and am stealing little bits of free time daily to do things to catch up. It’s never too late to start over until your dead. I am going to start over. Reboot the computer. Refresh maybe? Take it back to an earlier time when I knew who I was and never had to make excuses for my behavior. I’m tired of the guilt and shame. I want to be proud of what I do each day and not have to hide it from others. I feel like a degenerate. Times up on that. Time to start holding my head high again and never being afraid of what I cant control myself from doing. If I wanted something to ruin my life I would have gone out and got remarried and I knowingly do everything that I possibly can to stop that from happening. Why do I go back to the thing that inevitably will make me miserable again?
Today is my day.