so today i am starting off my 11th day of not gambling, on the whole i feel ok but i had a couple of wobbles at the weekend, football was on tv which is a big weakness, i was thinking i was going to write here until the storm blew over but with working a 4 am shift the day after a night shift i was exhausted and ended up sleeping past the wobbles
i was thinking about counselling recently but finding the right one can be a mine field, i just don’t want to relapse as my gambling seems to get more and more out of control every time i do.
i spend so much time making excuses not to go to social events, not see friends, covering up when i am chasing losses, pretending everything is great to the outside world without actually letting anyone in that i have lost touch with who i really am. i only know myself as a gambler and a failure. i even thought that i was happy with no-one in my life as it means i don’t have to explain myself to anyone but maybe that’s not true either. i really need to explore who i am so i can myself as a person and not a gambler but i am determined and i am ready and i feel better about racking some gamble free days up 🙂 today i will try not to gamble
