You guys are right, I need to get to the root cause of why I gamble to help kick the habit. Only problem is I just don’t know! Lots of things take me there
– A hard day with the kids and to switch off (but my girl is 3 and I’ve been gambling hardcore for 8 years)
– the thrill of winning big as I have had 3 big wins (but my first wasn’t until 5 years in)
– killing time, but most of the time I go I don’t actually have time to kill, like a lunch break at work or before work making me late or after work when I should be getting home to make dinner for the kids
– escaping reality maybe, as I do escape when I play but if that’s the underlying cause then that’s really f**ked up as everything I dreamed of having has come true and I’m literally playing for the purpose of escaping that and throwing it all away.
Keeping this journal and writing down what’s happening and when I’m struggling will hopefully help to find the real reason and then it will be easier to deal with that and move on. I’ve thrown at least 8 years down the toilet in savings, but that’s the past. The line in the sand is drawn and I can do this. I can prove to myself I can do this, I can’t make up for what I’ve done but I can make a better future for myself and for my kids.
I’ve put the kids in daycare today, my dog is really struggling with her knee after the operation and keeping mister 2 away from her is too hard. I successfully dropped them off and though I have that voice in my head all the time saying just pop in for only a small play the rest of my head is a lot louder and screaming back He’ll No!