It hasn’t been the best couple of weeks for me lately. I aggravated my strained knee last Saturday and was off work for 3 days, was in the last two days but this morning my colleague never turned up, which not only results in us losing a days work but also costs us a £100 penalty. The penalty is then given to the standby crew that covers our run. Tough at the top!
Thankfully I still have my wits about me and last Saturday when my knee went wonky I transferred £500 to my Mams bank account just to be on the safe side, I’m fairly certain I would not have gambled it, but after a life time of being fairly certain I wouldn’t gamble, and then ending up gambling , why take the chance?
Life at the moment seems to be 2 steps forward then three back, with the exception of gambling I’m pleased to say.
So with this out of the blue day off, there is plenty I can do. My flatmates are away on holiday so I have the place to myself I’m so grateful for that, I am going away myself on May 5th, to be honest though I’ve been looking forward to their holiday more than mine. It constantly pee’s me off living like this so I am flat hunting at the minute and have set myself a target to be in my own place by the end of June.
Sometimes I struggle to believe the change in me these days, I feel as if I’ve been scrubbed clean of the gambling and all the shit that comes with it. I have never once thought it might be a good idea to have a little try.
I often read of the situations people are currently in through their own gambling and although I can empathise with each and every CG that is in the shite, and sympathise with a few, I can’t help thinking, “you’ve only got yourself to blame” and “I’m pleased that those days are over for me”.
It doesn’t benefit anybody to post these comments on peoples threads of course, so I don’t. But I know that if I had acted on the advice given to me the first time I went to a GA meeting I could have lived the last 30 years or more gamble free. I have heard it said that the most expensive advice is the advice we don’t take on board. I know from experience, especially where gambling is concerned, that this is so true.
I firmly believe that no one is doomed to life as a CG, or an addict of any description. I do know that the hardest thing for me was to believe in myself, believe I could change. I used to hear of these people at GA or on here that hadn’t gambled for years, I used to think that they couldn’t have been as badly addicted as me, they just couldn’t have been. They didn’t know what gambling was like now, how it had me in its grasp. Of course they did, its just that I thought I was “worse” than them.
Life doesn’t get immediately better the minute we stop gambling, in fact it can and usually is a bit worse, facing up to the mountains of problems, and debts we have acquired, but the answer first and foremost for each and every CG is to stop gambling. I know that it is hard, it seems impossible for many, sadly though it doesn’t have to be hard and a gamble free life is possible for each and every CG.
We all come here or to GA or the like for help to help us stop gambling, the vast majority though appear to dis regard the majority of advice at first. It seems a common trait with us, history and common sense dictate to us though, that we do not know better. A life time of making our own decisions is what has brought us to being in a position where we need help in the first place.
My life is far from a bed of roses at present, but I intend to make the most of this out of the blue day off.
Wishing everyone well. Whatever position you are in, you do not need to gamble.
All the best.
Geordie.