I think depression has a natural tendency to want to disappear from being seen and hide itself … I see this in me when i suddenly start losing motivation/momentum with what I’m doing … i feel numb, but when i feel deeper it’s that achy depression feeling hiding itself … hiding and trying to steer things from behind the scenes.
It seems to manifest as a sudden wave of fatigue and sometimes it hits me hard and heavy in a matter of a moment and I’m like “what happened? I was just full of energy and gusto to push on for a few hours?”
I feel my deepest feelings of sadness tend to try to bend things from behind the scenes of my mind … like a black tree spreading its roots … there’s a very fine line between giving voice to an emotion and letting it expand itself to take over other emotions and be predominant …
It’s like my emotions come and go in waves and have different voices … right now I’m feeling a voice deeper inside that’s guiding me to waste time/move into a stand still depressed state … I think this is definitely a case of turning me into food for emotions of sadness and regret.
I can acknowledge those feelings now, but also acknowledge there is no point in me feeding them and can just let them rest where they are … there’s a fine line between therapeutic release and reinforcing/drawing attention to dark emotions to make them grow and take things over …
It would benefit all of us to know when we are letting our negative feelings actually get therapied/freed and when it is a “false release” that is in fact just feeding the emotion more of itself to swell and grow against out own best interest …
There should be clearer ways of knowing this … maybe my understanding will deepen in the future. For now I’ll aim not to feed those feelings and move my mind and body into finishing the activities I need to before bed. The sadness is here — let it be a trigger of fuel for me to express calmness.
Maybe each negative emotion has a positive state that it’s most closely associated with “flipping” into … Anger and passion … sadness and calmness … jealousy and motivation … cynicism and wise caution …
Move the channels into better places …