Dear diary
What did I learn this time?
“I” was not walking on a different street, I was still walking around the hole on the same street.
Problem can comes in all form and ways, it could have been the loss of a job, lack of money, sickness, relationship issues etc.
I should have rest on God. I should not focus on my problem, it can only get me into more trouble.
I should not be listening to my lies and false hope, they sounded very attractive and real, the immediate answer looks good but it was wrong, it was not the truth and the long-term solution I need, the repercussion and consequences is very real and heavy in the end.
For the umpteen times, I have disobeyed the truth during difficult times and complicate matters.
It exposes my weakness, character defects and my foolishness. I will be using this new information to do a fearless moral inventory.
When times is good, it was easy for me to give up my self-will but when times are bad, I become unsure, it was easy for me to take back the steering wheel from God and disobeyed the truth.
I have made a very dishonest mistake, I didn’t want to take up immediate temporary employment as a security guard because I did not want to eat humble pie and take hardship. My high pride and proud self become my obstacle.
It was another painful lesson, my flesh was weak, the good times did not last.
What would I have done differently this time if I was given a second chance?
I shall not gamble.
The reality of the discomfort and the uncertainty from losing my job, the fear and insecurity of losing my income and the retirement of the sole breadwinner at home at the same time make me afraid and anxious.
When I was afraid and anxious, I should have rested on my Higher Power and God.
My way is not God’s way.
My emotion during tough time can impaired my judgement.
When all else fail, follow directions ~ AA recovery slogan.
I should take up immediate temporary employment as a security guard.
I must walk down a different street
– during difficult times, gambling must not be an option.
