Since I posted here, I guess no matter how we live our lives time just continues moving forward, I have popped in to GT now and then to read posts from new and older members but have not felt it the right time to post, so I guess today’s the day 🙂
Well looking back over 2015 I am glad to say that I am not in the place I was for the first nine months of last year, nine years of that gambling had eaten me up to the point I had no idea who I actually was anymore after all I did not deserve anything good in my life, to be happy in any way, not when I was nothing but a stinking gambler this was what it had done to me , the only belief I had was that I really was not good enough to even breathe the same air as all the ‘good people’ ie a non addicted gambler.
With the help and support of places like GT I managed to do a training course for a new job in September last year but that did not work out I was not strong enough I was not ready, so what could I do, huge changes were afoot with my girls leaving home I needed to pay bills, I needed an income , I had to get away from the isolation , cut a long story short, I gained employment in the care sector, which I started in November 2016 , hard work long hours but so rewarding prayers do get answered.
It is wonderful to be able to say that 2016 is gamble free, now am not saying that I have never had thoughts of gambling as there has been quite a few horrific frightening events in my life where I found it very difficult to cope with but the difference I have now is in my mind the knowing that the crap won’t disappear by gambling but what will happen it will get a whole lot worse that I can guarantee myself and I have found that even bad things that happen once time passes and they are resolved it is a good feeling to say to self hey I did that I got through it and I am not left with the aftermath of addiction destruction.
The debts are not gone away but they have not increased and I pay what I can, I do have a struggle financially which gets me down from time to time but then I do my best to replace those negative thoughts with gratitude and be thankful for what I do have, and as long as I just don’t gamble now always now as each moment is all we have then I will be just fine.
Life is not easy but it is a zillion. Times better than it ever was gambling and it frightens the life out of me to think I could ever be in that place again and I know now that it has many tricks this addiction after recovery period as I found to my cost in the past, a tenner I can afford I might win lol lol no I won’t win I just got sucked back in I won’t stop and it will take my life , thanks to people like Charles the people I met in GT the people here I can never afford to forget that.
Love and best wishes to all for a gamble free day and future
