Well I stayed up until around 4am Ish. Could not get back to sleep. Thoughts of gambling came strong. Just £20 I could make that into a £100 , usual self deceptions. Found a site a few days ago where you can watch movies for free. So spent 2 hours watching a film. Was not a good choice about people stuck on a train after the world had frozen over. Semi B movie type. But I did not gamble.
Managed to sleep and said to myself over and over to let go of the past and focus on the future. For some reason the demise of my business over 3 years ago seems to be hitting harder than ever. And I do NOT fully understand why. Dragged myself out of bed and am trying to do some work. Night time is best for me when the world goes silent outside. I prefer that for some reason at the moment.
I am trying to focus on the future. How I can rebuild from nothing. It is a slow process. My debts are huge. But I am firmly on 7 days now without gambling. But the thought of gambling is not far from my mind. This is the tough part. I have been here before and so many times have given in. I can not allow myself to do that this time around. But have no idea if I will succeed or not at the moment. Need to refocus and quickly. Thanks for your messages of support it means much.