Well done on starting your own journal LW!
Compulsive gambling is a progressive disease which destroys lives. Things will not improve for a gambler until we stop gambling. As soon as we take the first step and follow the advice we are given, we will begin to see an improvement in our lives.
Try to be patient. Take all the help you can get and keep postponing your next bet!
It is possible to stop gambling one day at a time!
Keep posting!