P, great job of fighting those urges, I hope you find a lovely ‘something’ to wear, you deserve it!!! It is exhausting, fighting the urges. I had an interesting experience last night, it was the break up of my water aerobics group, we went to my favourite venue…….I was able to access the smoking area ( I know…..) via our eating area, when, however the night was over, 3 of us went back out for a last puff ( I know!). They locked the door so we couldn’t get back in and I had to walk right through the pokie area. I thought about how many thousands of hours I wasted in that room….for what? I didn’t recognise 1 machine (not that I was checking them all out), it has been 4 and a half years since I gambled there so I suppose that was to be expected. I felt……nothing. I remembered the feelings, how I was when I was down to almost nothing, walking out of there and feeling revolting, dirty, exhausted. Hating myself. Why did I torment myself all those years? Knowing the outcome, knowing that I would never ‘win’, escaping my life and missing my childrens…..ugh.
You avoided those feelings, you got through it. I knew you could!!!! Love K xxxx
