Hey there,
You’re in the right place and Steev’s advice is rock solid.
I’ve been using this and several other online support groups and it’s helped a lot — a hell of a lot. I’m not totally out of the woods but the leverage cravings and the heavy emotions have over me is far less than it was before i finally took my first gasp for oxygen and reached out to groups like this.
I have great credit now and savings (when I started trading online years ago I would blow 50-80% of my savings easily and did indeed borrow money I couldn’t pay back on one big bubble pop–often after running it up 500% etc.), but getting support to strip gambling elements out of my life even going beyond markets themselves and interacting with people who have committed to stop has felt amazing. I’m truly grateful for this community. My losses and participation in gambling behavior are softening and the pockets of freedom are lengthening between slips bit by bit.
I’ve journaled a lot (and I mean a lot) in a short time — I think in addition to what Steev said, try to journal write and connect with support every time you even get cravings. Try to dig up the emotional roots and reframe yourself to reconnect with your original, clearer self. The deep feelings of shame and agony can be hard to share because this addiction makes you feel so alone and cut off from everyone and everything, but making the break to open up and reconnect to get your life back is so worth it.
To me, this is a forever commitment (recovery) — if you commit to it for life then people like you and me can end up gamble free like Steev.
Much love and support <3