Was very worried the whole day. I know i can go without gambling for a few days maybe even a couple of weeks, but what’s the point when sooner or later I start playing and then lose everything I can lose. It doesn’t really matter if I lose 100 euros a day or refrain from playing for a month and then lose 3K in one day.
That’s how sick I am.
But I’m feeling better and relieved now. I cut a deal with a friend who agreed to give me 1 one euro and if he catches me gambling (from now till Jan 1 2016) I have to give him 20,000 euros.
We take these deals very seriously and if I do gamble and he catches me I would have to give him 20K and that would absolutely ruin me. That in itself should be enough for me not to do anything foolish. I had deals like this in the past and they generally worked very well.
Now that I think about it, I have no idea why I didn’t extend the last similar deal I had like this when it expired with another friend. I could have been a lot richer and a lot less miserable. Maybe I thought I’m cured or maybe I thought a little bit of gambling can do no harm. How wrong and foolish I was…