Just a few words from a CG who led everyone in a merry dance for years…
From what you have written, your boyfriend (if he is a CG ) is not ready to stop gambling. It seems he is not ready to commit to a full time relationship either, but he knows all the right things to say ( as I did) His hung dog look appeals to you (remember that is one of his trump cards to keep you in tow) He agrees to your suggestions in a non committal way to keep you “sweet”.
Sorry, m’dahling! but what I’m seeing here is a gambler who doesn’t even recognize he has a problem and who is living a double life i.e his buddies are not mutual friends with you as a couple. (Do other people see you as a couple?) The picture I’m seeing is a man running his own show , with a woman/cheer leader on the side line , hoping and wishing he was somebody else.
Personally, Carmen, I wouldn’t waste time or money on “couple counselling” at this stage. My opinion only, but I would take a total break from this guy for a year to give yourself time to reflect on where your life is going. It is not within your remit to change him one iota. He sounds like a charming man, but charmers have broken many hearts.
When I was in the throes of gambling the thing I needed most was somebody who would play my game and be part of the facade I needed to display to the outside world. I also expected that person (or people) to switch roles to become my enabler/punchbag/scapegoat/moneylender/slave/second fiddler, depending on how, where and what my First Love (gambling) dictated.
CGs learn fast, who to keep in the loop to serve our needs.
Compulsive Gambling is a progressive disease that affects not only the CG but all who choose to allow it to influence their lives.
YOU have that choice now, Carmen. It would be far more difficult in a few years time with children, a mortgage and other trappings. Think long and hard before you put pressure on a CG to commit because when things go belly up he will blame you in the same way he tells you “you should have saved more….!!”.
By asking him to commit now, you are asking the impossible.
Couple counselling smacks of commitment.
If you are prepared to play a waiting game, indefinitely , by all means keep trying to manage and control this man.
If you want to live YOUR life, give the relationship a long break and see if he changes.
Over and out!