Hi Kathryn, don’t know why I clicked on journal today and then clicked on your thread. Just random but your last post caught my attention. You said that you feel like you have no voice and I am very familiar with this feeling. I’m not a cg, my hb is and he was the one being passive aggressive before he started his true recovery. I, too, never really had a voice and it started way before I met my hb. Only when I was forced to deal with myself so to speak while my life was turned upside down by my cg’s horrible actions did I figure out what was really going on. The seeds of being not important, to not matter, to be without a voice and someone nobody really heard were planted in my childhood. At the end I was convinced, that this was just something I had to accept because I didn’t know any better. Long story but I wonder if you ever had a voice and if so, when it was silenced? What happened? Maybe it would be an idea for you to look into your family dynamics to start with? The family of origin plays a huge part in how we act and feel as adults without actually being aware of it. Weird as it sounds, even the order in which siblings are born is important. We develop certain roles depending on where we are in this order and it is fascinating how that influences our whole life. I had to read some great books for my college classes, “Lost in the shuffle” and “Family ties that bind” are two of them, don’t know the authors though. Just a thought, something that might interest you at this point in your life. I hope you have a great weekend!!! 🙂
