Velvet,
do you have a place where you have told your story?
I would like to read or hear it. I think it would help me.
I read your responses again and again because they help me calm the chaos. Thank you. I have cried a lot lately and feel so scared and worried And alone. I do have friends, but I don’t want to drain them. It’s been so hard because even my own brother didn’t believe me about my husband. My brother loves me and yet he still didn’t believe me until I had many conversations with my dad about my situation begging for support mentally, and begging them to visit me.
I feel more hopeful about the attorney situation. I have an old high school friend whose husband is an attorney that may help me.
I have been avoiding my husband as much as possible. I used to try and explain my hurt to him and how terrible it was that his family blames me, and how he shouldn’t have any control of our finances, but I realized after the billionth time, I might as well talk to a wall. I keep to myself, I am working on getting money for an attorney, and getting some cushion for when I file and looking for a job. I’m praying, I have neighbors praying, and I am focusing on the best happening. I have always said “I deserve better and the kids deserve better”. And we do.
I don’t know exactly how to prepare my children, and I don’t know exactly how to explain what is happening. They are old enough to know their dad had/has a gambling problem, but they don’t and won’t know for a long time the mental anguish that caused and all the stress it brought to our lives. That will all affect them for years to come.
My husband scares me because he has lied to everyone we know. Everyone we know always liked him better than me. He convinces people pretty easily as an attorneY. I am just a mom, so who would listen to me? I just have my gut feelings and a few bank statements. And my prayers that I get back to a normal life without anxiety and fear. I feel people always liked him better but Maybe that was because I was always the “sober” unfun person. I always had to be “on duty”. I always thought what if the kids needed something in the middle of the night and he was drunk, I would have to be the one to drive. He never felt the need to worry about that.
Everyday is a new day for him. Like nothing ever happened. Like he feels no worries and no remorse. It’s shocking to me and I have never understood it.
Anyway, Velvet, I would love to hear your story.
Thank you!
Momo