Just wanted to update
My exs behaviour has improved in recent months. Been far more reliable.I didnt realise he had noticed that my behaviour had changed but commented a few weeks ago that a change in my behaviour had made him look at himself.
I suspected last weekend he might gamble heavily as it was payday and his supply of cash from grass cutting would be drying up as winter approaches. He did although kept to arrangements to see our daughter. I know he gambled because he said he didn’t have maintenance money and looked awful.
I failed to respond ( had a throat infection and could barely speak) have also noticed the less I say or do the more he says and does!
I then get a text out of the blue really that says ( in summary) he realises he needs to change and has made the decision to stop gambling. He is very sorry for all the hurt and upset.!!
I know he has been thinking about change and talking about it and his behaviour has been much better . he is seeing his older daughter and our daughter has seen her sister. Signs have been there.
he saw our daughter as planned last night and was keen to talk about how he can’t control his gambling and must stop. He doesnt even like gambling (!) But its like his brain switches when he starts and he cant stop. He doesn’t appear to want anything from me ( I offer nothing) but is keen to make changes . his mother will help with finances ( this is futile she gave him money to give to me for maintenance!!) He realises he needs to Fill his time more wisely. He understand s its actions. I made little comment other than you need support. He acknowledges this and think quite open to suggestions. He realises its small steps.Whether he follows them through im not sure.My instinct believes his need to change at the moment he seems to have had enough.He has been this resolute twice before in about 7 years. Both times stopping but returning after about 10 months the first time and 2 the second.
A little bit of a strange situation. No change for me really. Talk about being there for our daughter and building a life .But I would like to be encouraging without getting dragged in. I’m not sure how to communicate. Without support he won’t succeed if he’s serious. He had support before. He self excluded before. He does all the things you are supposed to do when u want to stop but they all seem futile if the desire to gamble is still there . It seems to have left briefly for the first time in about 2 and half years. He seems to have had enough presently but it doesn’t ‘ look’ like a rock bottom. He has a place to live. A job . although gambled heavily his mom helped. These don’t indicate a person who would do anything to change.. It’s more than a low though. I’m not sure what it is!!!
I wonder how I can best respond?
Thanks m x