I hadn’t realised it had been so many weeks since I posted probably because I had been using the support group. Thanks jenny m and v for your input and great advice.
My ex is behaving well but still gambling. He has talked about the impact gambling has had on his life and trying to restrict his gambling but he is not committed to change fully. He is behaving so much better with our daughter but I know the reality of our break up has finally hit him and he is trying to hold on. He has acknowledged the change in me and how this has made him look at himself. This did surprise me but I’m very realistic. He needs to want to change his life enough to actually do it.
He has kept up his good behaviour for a while now so I have been including him more in the affairs of our daughter. He has been reliable with arrangements. I think I am starting to feel uneasy as I’m expecting some sort of drama when he is due to look after her hence I have back up plans!! His cash from his extra job grass cutting will dry up due to the change in seasons and hence he will have less money. I think this is why I’m expecting him to let our daughter down. He will not access to the extra money grass cutting provides. He also fills a lot of his time with work. He will have more spare time with one job. All ingredients for a big gambling blow out and the resulting devastation. However this will not be my devastation this time.
My head is becoming less full of gambling. .Jenny you are so right. I have spent so much time plotting for every eventuality that I have worn myself out in the past. Not anymore. I think I will be OK.
My daughter adores her dad but she is only 4. She talks about her dad and this makes me sad sometimes. But I can see the reality. He is lost in addiction. I need to be strong enough not to be.
Things are so much better than a few months ago. All I can simply say is ‘thank you’
M x