Hi all,
I would like to thank you for all the time you’ve all spent reading and writing replies. To be honest I think I just went through a denial stage again by putting it behind us. I now know that this was wrong.
To answer a questions that was raised, we do have happy times. But he spends far too much time on his phone, which I’ve pointed out to him.
But I’ve noticed now that he has a short temper with our children, snapping at them for acting like kids. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t allow it and put my foot down with his temper. He’s never hit them (if your wondering).
I don’t really have a lot of family I can talk to, my mum is fighting her own demons, but I do have a good friend. She knows what is going on and she talks through stuff with me. It’s just so hard explaining what i’m feeling.
He’s been gambling again for just over a month again and I had no inkling this time. I felt as though I should have noticed but I didn’t see the signs. He was doing so well!
We were on our way to the shops yesterday and he told me that he had been stupid again. I instantly knew he had been gambling then. Again I didn’t feel angry or disappointed. In a sick way I felt like laughing! Who does that? I didn’t shout, moan or berate him. I left it alone. I paid for the food shop (obviously) as he has gambled everything.
We got home and I decided to look through his banking app and could see that he was overdrawn. He just stood over me as I looked through his phone. This raised major alarm bells for me. I feel as though he’s maybe hiding more. I put his phone down and asked for his log in details and he asked me ‘why’
He says sorry and keeps hunching over but I don’t feel sorry for him. I know from reading other posts that we should try and be supportive and help them through tough times, I feel horrible writing this but I need to be honest, but I’ve been supportive and I don’t think it’s enough. Do CG’s always relapse?
He won’t seek help and I honestly don’t know what my next move is. I slept on the sofa last night and wondered what mine and the kids life would be like in 10 years time. Will we still be in debt? Will we ever have a family holiday? I know money is not everything, but I have always wanted to take the kids away but have never been able to afford it.
I don’t know how I’m going to pay for everything again. I feel stuck. He’s doing some overtime today and I don’t know what I’m going to say to him when he gets home. I can’t keep sweeping this under the rug. I know everyone will advise that I should get him to seek help, but I know he won’t.
I think he resents me sometimes for saying no to giving him money to pay his bills. It hurt when he called me ‘tight’ for wanting to keep what little money I had in my account for emergencies. I see the looks he gives me.
I’ve switched on my notifications now so I will know when you respond.
Thank you for taking the time to read my update.