Dear diary
I can set up layer and layer of barriers to help me stay stop
etc. handling my money to someone, applying for self-exclusion ban to gambling places, keeping my mind pre-occupied and myself busy.
These barriers are just aids to help me stay stop, they are preventive measures and safety net. How long can it help me to stay stop?
These aids doesn’t provide me the strength, courage, wisdom, and confident that I will need to stay stop.
Did release from imprisonment, attempted suicide, illnesses, bankruptcy help every person we know to stay stop? Sadly not the case.
My will-power, determination helps but is it enough? How long can it help me stay stop?
Going for treatments, seeing a counsellor, doctor and doing a recovery program helps etc cognitive behavioral therapy, rational emotional behavioral therapy, 12 steps recovery program, but is it enough?
Attending support group meetings and sharing in meetings help but is it enough?
Knowledge and techniques in relapse prevention helps but is it enough?
You are not your thoughts. You are not your emotions. No matter what gambling thoughts I may have? No matter what gambling urges or craving I may have? I can do nothing or something not related to gambling! Mindfulness helps but is it enough all the times?
Physical exercise helps but is it enough?
Unconditional love from family and friends help but is it enough?
Having a Higher Power helps but is it enough?
Each one of them is so vital and very important to help me stay stop and recover. They will increase my chances but without any one of them, my chances is slim.
Who can help me deal with my sin, guilt and self condemnation after all the damage and destruction that I have committed? Who can forgive me?
Help me God, in Jesus ‘s name, I pray. Amen!
Faith, Trust, Believe, Hope, Rest In God!