Dear diary,
Thoughts
my mind has been planning / contemplating for the last few days , if I had gone ahead to exercise my self will – I would have lost SGD1000 dollars today. The outsider won, the hot favourite lost the bet. It really sound and look almost impossible to me but it did.
I could have got myself into trouble again if I did not have a God or a recovery programme. I sounded so convincing to myself, it sound like it was the right thing to do.
Feelings
feel like this money don’t belong to me anymore.
no matter how careful and patient I can be, I can still lose the money in the end if I gamble.
feel that the Holy Spirit led me to do the right things when I was tempted, it has improve the quality of my life.
it is a fact that trials and temptations will come again and again in this life, I am made of flesh and human, I am not perfect and can be weak, I feel that I will continue to face life ‘s trials ,temptation and continue to be tested, this is another example, trials and temptations tried to pull me away to do the wrong thing and I want to do it. I had to depend on a Higher Power to be safe. I cannot, He can.
Actions
use this money to do right, not in my eye but in the eye of God.
I have to exercise giving up my self will more often and get used to following God’s will as mention in the scriptures.
( I have to think of myself less and think of God and love ones more )
I could not lie about my thoughts and feelings in the last few days. I have wrote them all down in here.
The professional always encourage us to be mindful / to increase our awareness; you can think about it, feel it, but you don’t have to do it / act it out etc. cognitive behavioural therapy and rational emotive behavioural therapy, this is another example.
this is the advantage of writing down all my thoughts, feelings and action in a journal. Thank you GT.
Instead of having zero dollars and nothing to look after my mum. I still have my hard earn SGD1000 dollars with me, I do not need to be desperate and borrow.
Another 10 days before the maid return.