Dear diary,
An experience new recovering friend I met told me this and it help me to understand how to share better, he said ” if Jesus really help you, you must let the others know.”
Since then I have been sharing how I tried for more than 9 years and has not been successful staying total abstinent properly and happily, the experience recovery people around me can spot the difference in my clean days with theirs.
I can be total abstinent but I was still not free from the bondage of all addictions and slavery to money and sins in the past, the ending was predictable, I will slip/relapse one day.
Everything changes after I knew Christ,
I decided to carry my cross, deny myself and follow Jesus.
Another good news, when the student was ready, the teacher will show up. I met a wonderful messenger of God, God send brother Jordan Neo to help me.
He has done many for me and he work for God.
He encourage me to seek God and walk closely with God.
He want me to focus on God one day at a time, pray to Him, talk to Him.
He encourage me to attend church and read the bible
When I work on Saturday and Sunday, he want me to work hard, I must continue to attend Church, find a church that has a service on weekday and I found one Church that run a support group meeting on Tuesday and has been going there for more than 4 months now.
He share with me how to made the right decisions, in the event when I have a problem or a question in life, how I could find my answer in the scripture and God’s word found in the bible.
he also share with me it was mention in the bible that the body is the temple….I must take care of my body. it help me understand the importance of sleep; tiredness and stress is very dangerous and harmful to my recovery. I don’t abuse substance and put toxic into my body nowadays. I have skin eczema, it can cause me great stress, especially when the weather is changing and hot, this is something I cannot change, I pray to Jesus Christ when this happen, I continue to deny myself and rejoice in suffering in the name of Jesus Christ.
I receive many advise from many people in many places whether I like it or I don’t, sometimes it feel like they are forcing it down my throat without my consent and consideration to how I feel, I feel like walking away but it is very rude, I don’t want to hurt their feeling and be very offensive to turn them down. Everyone have something to say.
Some of them are so convincing, it sounded so good and true like the real thing, regardless of how good it may sound, brother Jordan has taught me something very important to check myself, to listen to their words very closely. Whether they are speaking the words of God or the satan. It help me separate the God centered people from the self centered people, this has help me to stay clean and kept me safe.
Mr and Mrs Jordan have shown me unconditional love and taught me God’s great love for us. I was really touch, the love has spread to my family.
I learn to love again.
Recovery is about love, it is not about punishment.
I trust God and have faith in Him.
God promises, I believe Him.
God has never fail to deliver.
I started counting my clean day on 5 Feb 2015 the way it was done in the Anonymous Groups.
there are many peace and joy in this way of recovery, it was unlike the white knuckle recovery I experiences in the last 9 years of trying other ways.
This journal document everything, on the 17th September 2014, I wrote about my thoughts, feelings, and actions on the day. I read it yesterday and today. It was very clear I am still not free from the bondage of addictions and slavery to sins and money. I was still trying to use my own analytical mind and reasoning to convince myself not to act out, it was a fight and struggle to stay clean for that one day, I succeeded for that one day but how long can I stay stop fighting and struggling in this way long term, it is like a baggage one carry on them, it can be a burden and weaken a person. Not surprise now, I was reading my input days after, dated 8 December 2014, it look like I have slipped again.
I have experience and can see very clearly the kind of freedom that God can give me.
Recovery is suppose to be a happy and joyful one
if one is struggling and fighting all the times
something is wrong some place, you will end up in the same pit again, please seek help and talk to someone.
Pray to God, seek God
I cannot, He can
Heavenly Father, please heal all the brothers and sisters in GT and give them total recovery in Jesus ‘s name I pray. Amen!
May God bless you all,
I love you.