Thanks Mav for your post. i didnt see it until just now. kicking myself about that… as you know i had a binge yesterday and now going thru the emotions again. We all know that feeling… we all dread it and do what we can to avoid it. This time feels the same as last time and the time before that and so on, but I do not understand why I keep doing this to myself. A clear mind in a few days may give me some clues, but for now i must go through the self loathing, feeling sick about what I have done, and as i have read on other peoples post, re arranging numbers to get thru the next few weeks. I let myself down and on top of lifes dramas I now have this as well. I think i have said it before, but it is cruel how I punish myself by gambling, i get 1 step ahead with getting back on track and then take 7 back, feel sorry for myself, look for help that i should of sought before gambling urge took over. I NEED TO TAKE THE BLINDFOLD OFF AND SEE WHAT IS IN FRONT OF ME. There is support here for me and I should use it more, even when i am feeling ok. complacency is the problem today. i was not focused on my recovery but on my destruction. There was no obvious trigger for me, just opportunity- bad opportunity. So, day 1 again. I will not count the days, I will use the phrase others are using, I WILL NOT GAMBLE TODAY. and if i can do that…..
