Today started off wonderfully. I had a mani/pedi, a pretty light purple for Easter! I picked up my Mom and we went to the gym. As soon as she got into the car, I could feel the tension and anger. I said hardly anything as to not get her going. On the way home, I told her that I wasn’t coming into her house as I was taking some clothes to the donation place and that I was going home to fix lunch for us. She came unglued. I was told what a terrible person I was. I don’t take blame for anything, ect… I asked what I needed to take blame for? Never got a answer. I asked her why she is so angry? Bad move!!! She screamed and ranted about how everything is always my fault. She wasn’t making any sense. When we got to her home she stood outside the car screaming at me. I asked her calmly to shut the car door and I drove off!!! It never ends with her. I am sad to say that I was in tears. I let her get to me again. It just brought up how I was raised. It was being screamed at, witnessing fits of rage, being manipulated, made to feel guilty and not being talked to for days because I won’t agree with her. Ironically, that’s what my Sister does to her, but doesn’t talk to her for years at a time. I do everything in my power not to follow what I was taught. I am proud of myself as I didn’t raise my voice at her. I dropped off the clothes and came home and called her to see if she was coming for lunch. She won’t call me, I have to call her or we wouldn’t talk. She said no and hung up on me. Wow, while writing this I just realized that she is still manipulating me. I am very sad. I had thoughts of gambling, (self destruction) afterwards but I am not going to do that. I am going to make myself a nice lunch and relax in my home. Sorry for the rant but I feel comfortable here and know that I won’t be judged.
