Today I learned that I am not an addict or a gambler- I am a person who has been mAking unhealthy behavioural choices.
I learned that I have a choice .
I learned that an urge lasts about 20 minutes. If I choose to do something else during this time it will pass.
I learned that If I choose to make an unhealthy choice it impacts on my hierarchy of values – I might consider my health or my family as number one on this hierarchy but when I choose an unhealthy behaviour I am putting the behaviour above everything else in on my list. I am compromising my hierarchy of values .
I learned that I need to connect to people and I need to feel heard. I learned that it is so long since I felt heard I had forgotten what it felt like. When I felt heard and affirmed, I felt pain deep inside – which felt like a release from the overwhelming loneliness and isolation I have been feeling for too long.
I learned that support for me must not feel like judgement.
It must feel like support.
I learned why the 12 steps will never work for me.
They reaffirm every bit of negative self talk
I indulge in.
I learned that I can live a fully recovered life – that my brain can build new connections and healthy behaviours can replace unhealthy ones forever !
I learned that I will succeed and that I am worth choosing healthy behaviours over unhealthy ones.
I learned that I am relevant .