Jack, don’t underestimate the power of a hug and good communication! When my world fell apart, I was alone. My family and friends live in Europe and my hb’s family blamed me for their own enablement. The only people providing support where the members of my GamAnon group. I still think, your sis should consider consulting a lawyer in re. to the assets. Especially about the family home. My hb convinced me to apply for an equity loan to pay off the cars and then falsified the application amount. I had no clue what was going on. But I do remember that I had to sign off on everything because the house was in both our names. A lawyer will be able to clarify all that.
As for having to watch a cg vigilantly, it all depends. Nobody knows if your bil will relapse. Personally I found it a lot easier to focus on myself and my daughter again once I had the safety measures in place and knew that there wasn’t much my hb could do without me finding out. My head was clearer and the constant anxiety decreased. Better late than never, because I had lost my house, my car, and everything else. Filed for bankruptcy for debt I knew nothing about and was left with no credit score to speak of. It doesn’t have to be this way. I can only speak for myself but I would have gladly traded the losses for the responsibility to monitor the money etc. for the rest of my life. A small price to pay imho. My hb is now in real recovery since his last inpatient treatment over 6 yrs ago. We are married but don’t live together. He has enough income to make a living and so do I. Should he ask me for money without a reasonable explanation and nothing to show for it, I would refuse. Trust is not a right, it’s a privilege that has to be earned.
