I thought I could plan exactly what I would type into this journal each time I visited it but that seems to not be the case. By the time I got here today this evolved into something entirely outside of what I thought or expected to type despite what was running through my head throughout the day. I also wanted to type so much more on here today that I most certainly was thinking about but now I am just going to go with the flow of my day. Besides, it has been a long weekend for me with the hubby home from work and teen daughter also off from school. Because of this my family demands on my time are higher on the weekends and by Sunday’s end I am tired. This is also a blessing in disguise as it keeps me from running to the video slots only 2 blocks from home the entire weekend that of course always come after a pay day because those 2 simply do not allow it! That gives me 2 less days of the week that I have the freedom to gamble and for this I am glad. I also know that I have plenty of time to type away here as I progress with my recovery that will also take some time if not the rest of my life time. The key here is to be patient with myself and allow the time I need for a complete recovery. After all Rome was not built in one day and I am only but too human and need to understand my own personal limits especially when it comes to time. I know that it helps to stay focused by prioritizing and that is what I intend to do as I continue with this journey on my road to recovery. I will type here as long as it takes to beat this beast within until my dying day! I for one have had enough of this when it gets to the point that I want to cut my own durn hands off just to keep from tapping a stupid little button! I am just so angry that I got caught up in this game way too long ago now that there’s no use looking back but just to stay focused on the road ahead that is No Gambling and Emotional and Financial Recovery! I have not gambled now for 3 days and in a few short minutes I will enter into Day 4. The urges are ever present as my last gambling spree was 3 short days ago but I will be patient and I will focus on my healing and recovery that will take time. Until tomorrow Journal.
