Hi idi
Thank you for the lovely post on my thread. Your recovery is down to one thing, you, but it is wonderful to have supportive friends along the way and I am glad to have met you and everyone else who posts regularly on the forum. We have declared that we had had enough of the the misery, destruction and torture gambling brings. Now years ago I used to have a recurring dream of tidal waves. It is very common. I would see the wave coming, it was massive and I would run for higher ground but it would not often hit me. I was sometimes alone and sometimes with family but is was always somewhere coastal like Brighton and the like. Water links to the emotions and it is saying something about emotional overwhelm. I still love the sea, however, and I find when I am close to the sea, I experience great calm. I link the tide coming in and out to the rise and fall of the breath, and the inner peace that connecting to our higher power brings. I have felt that peace on occasions over the past few days. I am really pleased that you are spending your pay on you and your son. We both need to reinvent ourselves in recovery and many of the things you are feeling I have felt too on this recovery journey. The sadness and deep regret are hard to deal with, they go away to come back again. But we have to remember the powerlessness once the addiction has gotten a hold. You taught me that. I wonder how we will feel in one years time and how much life will change if we work recovery. I bet it changes a lot. One thing I do know is that neither you or I want to go through this again, I certainly don’t have it in me to go back through the same thing over and over again. The last time was the last time, and I think that is the case for you too. It is simply time to learn about who we are in this life. I have spent too long focusing on the spirit but not enough time on me and acknowledging the journeys we have been on in this life and who we are. The truth is we can be anyone or do anything we want to. Neal Donald Walsch who wrote the wonderful books, conversations with God describes our journey through life as becoming bigger and grander versions of who we really are and we can choose consciously about who we really are. There are many things I have put down and discarded in my conversation to Christianity but Neal Donald walsch is not one of them. He speaks with great wisdom I. His books. Talk later.
