Dear diary,
Had a long talk with my sponsor about my dishonest and self-deceiving gambling thoughts on Sunday night. Told him how it became more frequent after I started exercising and experiencing stress from the body ache/ pain. How we both agree that when I feel stress or pain, my brain automatically look for relief or self-medication, I wanted to turn to gambling this time, hopefully next time I will learn to find relief from the stress or pain the healthy way.
This meeting has help me process my thought, feeling and emotion about the gambling thoughts, I accept its presence which is habitual, but I don’t have to follow my thought and feeling to gamble everytime I feel stress from the exercise. One day when my body get used to the exercise and the stress is gone, the gambling thought and feeling will go away too.
I do not want to keep the thought inside me and pretend it isn’t there, I don’t wish to risk allowing this dangerous thought to grow bigger and stronger, I don’t want to turn the thought into action so I took it out by confessing to my sponsor and God and let it die.
I can feel that the thought to gamble and the anxiety from it has weaken further on Monday and today after that meeting, feeling more at peace and calm now.
Anyway, 2 weeks has passed. Our family maid has return from her trip to Indonesia. Life at home is back to normal. It is back to work for me again.