Pete comes back at 7. He has put up some small decorations in the front room with some white lights which look nice.
Life often gives us signs and symbols and when I walked into town I saw an empty hearse. These sorts of things are nearly always omens from the universe. I knew instantly that it wasn’t for me or mine. There was an Afro Caribbean family next to me and it was related to that. Don’t ask me why but I just knew.
Pete has been distant for the past couple of days and out till the small hours and grumpy hence just the one pizza slice yesterday He seems to regret this when he comes in. My jeans are falling down on my hips but I had the weight to lose anyway. He gives me some cigs and fills the electric meter. We have been rationing the heat for a few days but it hasn’t been too cold thankfully and Being at the top of a big house, we benefit from the flats below central heating a bit.
I think because my intuition is quite good at seeing signs and portents part of my frustration is because I do not see a change coming yet for me. Still not having anything at Xmas is one of the worst things that life can do to me. I do not forgive it for its harshness.
Pete tells me his uncle on his dads side passed which is why I haven’t seen much of him. And Pete is afrocaribbean so the universe and it’s messages don’t lie.
He gives me some walnut whips, a stalwArt favorite. He pours me a glass of wine and then retires to the front room, which is Mine yet I am not allowed in. I do not drink very often but I accept it.
I am glad idi has set up a new thread and completely agree with the repeated advice type of support which feels to me like a stuck record and robotic, not human, no understanding of who we are inside. I also don’t want this type of support. It doesn’t help us.