Hi Sherrie. I know you are finding it hard with your partner in control of your finances – but are you certain you are ready to take back control yourself? I would hate to see you undo all the hard work you have put into your recovery.
I could see that we were only getting one side of the story – but I still feel that talking to someone about your relationship would be a good idea – calling yourself a “basket case” is a self put-down but it may mask the fact that you have difficulties that you are not dealing with. I know I used gambling to put off doing the difficult things that were necessary for me – and yes I do worry that you might be doing the same.
Similarly – journalling seems to be really working for you – so why stop? If you don’t want me to comment on things just say so … I won’t take offense! It is your journal – you are in control here at least.
Yes you are not suicidal anymore and I am glad that this site has helped you with that – but please don’t abandon it now when you are starting to feel better. That was a pattern for me and generally led to a relapse and back on the treadmill of gambling and “recovery” and gambling again. You deserve better than that.