Thebigguy, great honest post my friend and very glad you are here, this addiction will take everything and then some, I have been gambling for around 25 years (40 years old now) found recovery around 5 years ago and been in and out since then however that time 5 years ago I wanted to stop and before I didnt thats the difference, just woke and read your post so wanted to make a quick reply to let you know you are not alone.
Sounds like you have your mind in a good place and that is always good, keep posting and sharing there are many helpful people around here and they know how you feel………….lets get busy living my friend as the alternative just isnt an option!
Glad you found this site and wish you well.
Maverick