Well done on your recovery – I recognise that slump feeling. I think I have told this gambling tale before but it is worth retelling.
One of my last “slips” happened when I was in a pub I didn’t know and feeling bored. I saw the slot machine and without really thinking about it I was playing. After a few wins and putting the winnings back in I had spent all my spare cash, (still only carrying a minimum) and my mind was churning with thoughts about leaving it when it is just about to pay out, where could I get some money from – where is the nearest cashpoint? Then it hit me. I WASN’T BORED ANYMORE. Gambling had created some sort of “meaning” for me – at this time. But it was “meaning” I didn’t need – self-inflicted suffering. I walked away but remembered the lesson.
So I think there are two things to consider. First – what is it that gives your life meaning? Family, learning, being creative? Second – getting used to that slump feeling, because THAT is the feeling of being without the highs and lows of gambling. That is where things like mindfulness and meditation can come in – to learn to take life at a gentler pace.
I spent part of today (a Public Holiday in Ireland where I am at the moment) in a forest. I was hoping to see some red squirrels but they are very shy and elusive. Still I sat for over an hour – watching patiently and seeing the bird-life and the insects etc. I wasn’t bored. Two families came past me – one with children and a football – they weren’t bored. The other family looked bored – it was the thing to do on a Holiday but I think they would have rather been somewhere else.
Same environment but different attitudes to it. Hell some people even find gambling boring!
I think I have gabbled enough. Here’s to your 60 days and many more gf days to come.