Hi Chris Powerlessness over gambling, which is what you describe in your post, is a truly desperate and desolate place. Suicide often seems an attractive solution and is very much a measure of your current low. The truth is it can get worse, and often does, and can mean jail or institutionalisation.
One sure thing is that if you stop, it can’t get any worse. This does not mean they will suddenly get better but they shouldn’t get worse and in time they usually get better.
Stopping and staying stopped is our bugbear. I can understand your sense of elation at being stopped for one hour. I genuinely understand just how you feel …. I found it virtually impossible not to gamble when I could access money. So things like withdrawal limits on ATM machines were a blessing in disguise for me. But I was back at it the next day when I could draw out more money. I should add by means of an explanation that most of my gambling was done prior to the full blown use of the internet for gambling.
Stopping is the issue. I genuinely recommend getting to a GA or equivalent meeting. You will draw reassurance from listening to people sharing their misfortunes. You will draw hope from hearing how people have stopped and turned around their lives. You’ll also benefit from hearing less fortunate people who have stopped and gone back at it and stopped again and gone back at it and stopped again and again ….
I found meetings really helpful and have little doubt they made the difference for me. It’s difficult to explain but I don’t think you can stop on your own. We need help and support. Plus it works.
Good luck and I hope you can convert your hours into days, your days into weeks, your weeks into months and those into years. Let me assure this can be done.