The day has passed. Wretched feeling wretched day. My hangover is abating somewhat. But the dark cloud and sense of depression that deep sick feeling in your gut persists. I remember how life used to be. Full of people. Full of energy and how block by block my addiction destroyed ALL of that.
I find it hard to focus on work. Hard to focus on living a healthy life. My diet these past weeks has been shocking. I get those urges to open up a casino and deposit. It cripples me with its intensity. I know there is blocking software but that is no good for me. I can take such things to bits within an hour.
I need to do this cold turkey. I need to be able to overcome the urge to give into my life long addiction which started when I used to earn money on a paper round and pump my “wages” into a machine.
I also lost my mum to cancer 4 weeks ago. A horrible horrible time. I turned to gambling. The bright flashing lights, the promise of a win. It was an escape from the reality’s of the death of someone whom you loved so much. At least I am glad to have found the presence of mind to post here.
JN.